I did this last week with a friend of mine. We were in a taco joint, and I ordered first. My friend then said, “Oh I’ll have the same thing!” and then proceeded to alter the order beyond recognition. I made fun of him to his face and encouraged the waiter to do the same. She had fun with it, and I gave her a big tip.

I think “tripping” may be part of the equation here.

Omg Lazy Susan. I hate hate hate crotchety regulars. I already know your damn ticks. I already know what you’re going to ask for. One customer who thought he was a charming, grouchy old man (wrong, everyone there hated the shit out of serving your lonely ass) tried to bitch at me for bringing out his ALWAYS ALWAYS…

Please carbonize my steak!

I was thinking about it and if one of my friends started acting that way I’d be worried they were having a stroke or something.

But charring the hell out of a slab of cow sure as hell doesn’t make it a vegetable.

It occurs to me that alien foodies, passing through the solar system and curiously browsing our internets, could read this post and justifiably decide that humanity, as a species, is too stupid to deserve to continue to exist and should be wiped out to give the roaches or polar bears or whoever a shot.

If you’re ever the friend in a steak sandwich lady type situation, you seriously need to stop the ordering and ask your friend what the fuck is so confusing. Your server can’t say it, so do everyone a favor and try to figure out why your friend is being so stupid.

This is why stigmatizing abortion and reducing access needs to stop.

So basically, he victimized enough women to almost provide a decent sample size to do a proper study on the effects of rape.

it’s a drink composed of coffee, unsalted butter, and coconut oil extract.

Since Colin is so interested in facts: In 2014, there were 83 Dominican born players on the opening day 25-man rosters of baseball’s 30 teams. That’s 9%. American born players made up just under 74%.

ACCIO BONERZZZZZ: Neville Longbottom (Matthew Lewis) just popped his top off for you

I am the mother of a child with Aspergers. Though he’s quite chill and polite now, he alternated between an angel and a fucking monster from the time he was born until he was four. Lest you think I’m exaggerating, he exasperated pretty much anyone who had to deal with him during one of his meltdowns.

The most offensive part of this story is that it took 40 minutes to make 3 pancakes at a diner. A DINER! DO YOU KNOW WHAT A DINER IS?! That's a goddamn travesty.

“Noting that the woman is not asking to void the entire settlement agreement, he wrote that “obviously, she wants to keep what she was paid” but that she “cannot simply pick and choose which contractual obligations will be void and which will stand.”

Cats are extremely entertaining animals, and can be very sweet at times if you will only allow it.

Unless your kid is a dirty rotten snitch like mine is. Maybe that’s unfair. He’s not so much a snitch as someone who keeps his brain in his mouth so that whatever he thinks just spews out.