I was already dead-set on never having children, but now I am undead-set. My dead-set’d-ness became so concentrated and powerful that its earthly form could no longer hold its might, and it died and rose from the grave. This Instagram is the necrotheurge that instigated it.

Uh, the one that isn’t made of pizza looks fucking delicious what are you doing wasting that on a child’s tastebuds

I actually have something for once!

When I announced to my mother that my boyfriend and I were had found an apartment and were moving in together, she asked, “But did his mom say it was okay?” as if I’d asked permission for a play date.

Long ago, I was in a wedding and my friend shoved me under where the bouquet was headed. I reacted *appropriately* by trying to dive out of the way and kicking it as I fell down. It exploded. :)

We didn’t toss a bouquet or a garter. We tossed a Unicorn and a Dinosaur. And encouraged everyone, singles and non-singles, to try and vie for them. If the root of the tradition is that we are supposed to impart some of our love and good will to others, then everyone should be able to play—no singling out the…

I would like Morbidly Sexist in a really fancy script with flowers on a mug, please and thank you.

“morbidly sexist”? it just makes me think of dracula calling someone sugartits.

MANSPLAINERS 4 MANSPREADING

When the word 'breasts' came after 'elbows' I just assumed that this dude was getting elbowed for staring at women's breasts and assumed it was because the breasts got in the way of proper arm relaxation.

Fun IUD thing to do: Ask people who don’t have one (especially men), how big they think an IUD is. Everyone I’ve asked seems to think that the “armspan” is about 10 cm. Then you can make fun of them for being wrong.

If she stripped down to sexy lingerie I’d be with you, but I appreciate her showing how the sausage gets made. Even the slimmest celebs are spanxed to the gills under their beautiful outfits and nude spandex is not flattering!

Ruth was a widow who followed her mother-in-law to a strange land to work in the fields following a famine. She’s the “whither thou goest, I go,”’lady. After going to the strange land with Naomi, she meets the hunk Boaz and Naomi finagles their marriage. Ruth and Boaz have a child who is the grandfather of David, in…

I am getting married in a few months, and I am confident that my adorable fiance will be the best-looking person in the room. He is just soooo good-looking, and he can pull off formal wear in a way that most men can’t - he just looks really natural in formal wear for some reason, even though most days are jeans and…

I also think the general public works with a pretty superficial definition of “mental illness” and “mentally ill.” My whole life has basically been a case study in the vastness and complexity of that category... One of my older siblings is schizophrenic; he was always the kindest and the least violent of my brothers.…

My husband looked like a handsome catch, I like a rhino in a party dress. Those pics are in a drawer and staying there.

She’s an apex level bunny boiler.

I BET YOU WERE BEAUTIFUL ANYWAY! As long as you were smiling/happy that is. It’s amazing what that does for your appearance.

I would like to start a charity that raises money to take women from these shitty states who need abortion care and arrange and pay for airfare, hotel, childcare, and ground transportation to fly them to a state with no waiting period. I would pay their salary for the few days they were off work too. How do I make…

God’s gonna hit y’all with tornadoes again for this, Mary.