I am angry she has to do this. I could barely move without wanting to cry hours after birth. She looks amazing,period. Like if this was a picture taken on a Tuesday at the park with her kids.....gorgeous. Fuck that this has to be a thing. Let this woman and her hours old baby bond in peace.

Let’s face it, I’m a sucker for all things Royal Family. And Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge, is wearing heels scant hours after giving birth? She should get some kind of award. I can’t manage them at any other time.

I hate, with the fire of a thousand placentas, that she has to do this. The woman just brought another human into the world FROM INSIDE HER OWN BODY, an act that can be so traumatic and harrowing it kills thousands of women every year. No one should be required to be beautiful within hours of this; just let her rest…

Dear Everybody,

I’ve fantasized about doing stupid things, but never actually did them, so here’s a story of why dogs are the best: My last awful breakup (I was dumped by email, of course) I was looking after my sister’s dog. I cried hysterically in bed for about 5 minutes until the 130 pound dog latched onto my shoulder and…

Why would he think you would listen to him after the breakup about not dating those guys? You were throwing pickles at his head.

My ex thought it was a good idea to move to another state and hide from child support. Since he had such a consistent history of cheating I thought it would be easy to track him down on Craigslist’s Missed Connections. Someone had to know him because he had penis and it did wander. A lot. He also loved to make sure…

I got him banned from his mother’s house, moved in with her myself, and she bought me a puppy.

I dated a guy in law school who broke up with me, on Valentine’s Day, in a fancy French restaurant. Apparently he thought I would not make a scene in public. Apparently he had learned shit about me in that year we dated. I bounced a bowl of fancy little French pickles off his forehead, one by one, and the waiter…

Yeah, I’ve definitely been there. To be fair, I’ve attempted suicide a couple times, so I feel like it’s coming from a place of exasperated practicality when I’ve used it.

Step 1: Cut off half my hair and dyed it bright purple at the suggestion of the cute boy in physics with whom I was now free to make out at will (a delightful fact I promptly took non-monogamous advantage of).
Step 2: Put on 20 pounds of muscle doing gymnastics and ballet, earning an ass that got me proposed to weekly…

I went to prom with the first guy I ever slept with. I was going to wear a dress I’d bought for another event so I told him he could wear whatever suit he had. I realized this was a mistake when he showed up in frayed corduroy pants with a miss-matched corduroy jacket, and also in Berkenstocks, looking like an English…

So I guess he’d been planning to give me my walking papers. But after finding out I was pregnant he did the honorable thing; went Dutch on the abortion and stayed in the picture until I managed to go three consecutive days without crying.

I was kind of seeing this guy for a while. I liked him a lot. We were in our twenties. He was an artsy weirdo musican type, and had been living with an older hippie chick who had two kids. They had recently broken up, and he didn’t have a specific place to live. He was moving out of their place but didn’t know where.…

I was going through a very ugly divorce. My husband cheated multiple times and eventually moved out. While this was going on, I had to change the locks on the doors to my house due to a burglary, and didn’t tell him. One day, he stopped by to get something from the house and couldn’t get in. He flew into a rage and…

When I found out my long term boyfriend had a new girlfriend, while we were still living together, I walked to the nearest travel agent and booked a flight to Europe, got an express passport and then quit my job. I was outta there in under two weeks.

after getting dumped in high school, i came home in tears and announced that i was going to slash his tires. i dramatically asked my mom where the box cutter was and she gave me a big hug and said “no, sweetie. what you want is a hammer and a screw driver.”

I fold in on myself when I go through a bad break-up. No drama, no public displays of emotion, just balling up in tears quietly at home. When my high school/college boyfriend of almost four years and I broke up, I was mostly fine - it was time and I was ready for it to end as well. That is, until I saw him talking to…

This was during the “pack your shit and get THE FUCK OUT OF HERE” part, but he was threatening to kill himself.

I want to die if there are people in the world like you. Do you understand that you love me? Apologize and fix this, or win in the way that you do not want to win. I’m tired of a world in which such disordered personality can attempt to destroy a man so good and moral and kind and loving.