Po-Tay-toe, po-Tah-toe... ;-)

We need 4 hippos and about 60 watermelons. Now

I have a standard off-registry gift that I give to everyone:

Lovato’s response to this tattoo artist was epic:

Love him! My 17 year old daughter wore a dress with spaghetti straps yesterday and when a school administrator told her to cover up she asked him if her shoulders were turning him on. She's a sassy thing and I love it.

I’m pissed that I have to look “professional” at work because I really wanted to wear this shirt today.

mostly other women calling her a “dumb bitch” or accusing her of having “bubonic plague,” for some reason

My husband had to restrain me at a Disney World counter-service restaurant, where we waited in line to order for FIFTEEN MINUTES, and the people in front of me STILL had to lingeringly peruse the menu board which had been plainly visible to them for FIFTEEN MINUTES (did I mention we’d all been standing in front of it…

Once, an 8-top of Christians left one of those “Here’s a Tip for You!” pamphlets on my table, in lieu of a cash tip. I was sort of used to this, so I didn’t remark much, just tossed it into the bus tub with the rest of the debris, and a glower.

Keith Villiardo's story achieves peak Canada.... it takes place at a Tim Horton`s drivethru, involves an eccentric yet harmless customer, and both the server and the customer act amazingly polite all things considered.

I am now imagining Eddie Vedder taking his daughter to have tea and it’s adorable. I’m also imagining them sitting at a toddler sized table and drinking out of tiny flower-patterned teacups.

Edit: My faith in humanity meter is now in double positive digits after I went and got two slices of greasy, cheesey, pepperoni-y mana masquarding as pizza. Guys, I think we’re all gonna be okay. Everything is beautiful and nothing hurts.

She said that it must have slipped by her because their dates consisted of “a lot of drinking” and the way she found out was when they got pulled over by the cops and they said, “put your hands where we can see them.” I think she also mentioned something like he wore a baggy sweatshirt most of the time...

Sounds like he has sex using some variety of strap on...and doesn’t tell the women until afterwards, if at all. No wonder he got punched in the face. Not cool.

If I’m wrong and they were just judgy bitches, apologies to the dude.

“Oh sorry, not tonight, I’m tired”

Seriously. Do you know what HAPPENS when Satan and God both take a vested interest in a human? Do you want to be Job?

He can also read the fine print. The Devil really is in the details.

Devil’s food cakes .

Satan sounds like a pretty cool guy.

Commenters disagreed: One wrote asking why the Kleins were so upset about GoFundMe canceling their fundraiser when the site was doing the same thing the Kleins had done, refusing the use of their product for something they didn’t agree with.