Here’s a simple sentence that might help you out with that: “I’m interested in you, do you want to (insert action here, be it kiss, make out, have sex, whatever)?”

Okay, but seriously...what’s up with the headlines lately? Dippy? Booboos? Are you so stretched for writers that you’re hiring kindergartners?

“Look at this picture of me that puts me in a more attractive shape. Totally not ‘shopped!” —Pretty much every female Kardashian ever.

Well, no, we all know photoshop is a thing, but when someone offers you pics and swears they’re not using, and they’re using like a mofo...it’s just irresistible.

Me, deadpan, to a similar customer: What about my response is tripping you up, sir?

Yeah, that should definitely rate a “what the fuck is up with you today?”

Not only is it vegetarian, it’s “organic.” *grin*

A mantra: This man is not the one who hurt me. This man has demonstrated that he cares for me. This man has stopped when I said stop. This man is not the man who hurt me.

My first time around in college, I flunked out with a 1.6 GPA. The second time around, I managed a 3.79. I went from Fs to As, and now I’m doing my PhD. They do like a good comeback, as bamboo trampoline said.

Smoking’s still a thing, so...

The slurping and ahhing would have made me homicidal. Seriously. I can take spilled drinks, even carelessly placed ones, but mouth noises make me stabby.

Some parents try to preserve their own dignity, not yet realizing that for at least 18 years of their life, they will be in a near-constant state of mild to extreme embarassment over something their offspring is doing.

“Close the door and lock it. Walk down the steps. Get in the car. ON THE DRIVER’S SIDE.” —Actual conversation I’ve had with my ex-husband.

YES. “This game, traditionally known as corn-holing...” *spit-take*

Clueless, kind of. Asshole, no. The problem with Kylie is not just the hairstyle, but the fact that she’s already clearly aware of the concept of appropriation, and aware of the fact that she’s doing it, and that people object, and she doesn’t give a shit because she doesn’t have to give a shit.

I hope the FBI neglects to put Jindal on hold before they start laughing at him.

“What am I going to tell my husband?”

I think it would be if, perhaps, she went and lived for a year with people who had this as their tradition, and was respectful of all their customs, and during that year someone did her hair for her because they wanted to accept/claim her as one of their own, and after she left she kept up the hair style out of a…

Exactly. I’ve yelled at that dude before, and it doesn’t work. His illogic is as deep as his misogyny.

I honestly wish there were more options when flagging, because “this person and all their comments are vile” should be a choice.