Paul Ryan honest re-write:

know when I’m being boofed.

“When asked whether she had spoken already with Trump in the week since her daughter was allegedly killed in a terror attack by neo-Nazi sympathizer James Fields”

This woman is quickly becoming the Mockingjay

They should build this border fence out of her emails since nobody can get over them.

Why? She was amazing in the Diary of a Teenage Girl. I honestly don’t understand the Jez hate for Kristen fucking Wiig (??).

Carl Sagan would say Billions of people would fall in the Cosmos before they fix it.

Wait a minute that’s not a fun fact at all.

He’s not doing something so mundane as just making up countries: he is living almost entirely inside his own head. To somebody as narcissistic as Trump (not to mention the very real possibility of dementia!), the outside world exists only to lavish him with praise and tell him how wonderful he is. Full stop. He’s not…

What did I just attempt to read??

Yeah. How efficient can you make a tornado?

This is why I’m skeptical of Kelly’s new tenure as Chief of Staff.

It can’t be the third guy, he has no flag pin.

Please don’t put him in charge of homeland security. Please don’t put him in charge of homeland security. Please don’t put him in charge of homeland security.

I’m glad you’re writing the third one. SwampFuckers 2: Revenge of the MotherCuckers was a real step down from the first.

What Ivanka Trump wants:

.... and he has that same kind of big-eyed lizard elf creepster thing going on that Goebbels had. *shudder*

$5 Chris Christie is now checking his phone for missed calls every 30 seconds

Zambillion Little Pieces.