What if they put up a Baby Jesus in a Manger scene?

Homeowners Associations are the absolute worst of the ever-expanding demographic of “people with too much time on their hands.”

I realize they might not understand this in Texas, a state not generally renowned for snowfall, but... snowmen aren’t a Christmas-specific image. If they based this edict off the calendar-defined seasons they might have a point.

She doesn’t even have to be single. As a father of 3, the last thing I want to be messing around with when my wife is ready to pop or right after we’ve had a newborn is Christmas decorations. There’s eight bazillion other things to do, even with two parents.

Look, Kelly, I know I said it was too early for you to decorate for Christmas, but I would never take it to HOA levels.

The People story reports that the new mother is 19 and was having “personal problems” (their quotes) so her friends thought a night out at Da Clurb would cheer her up. She did not drink alcohol, People dutifully reported.

Anybody who can be out partying at five in the damn morning while nine months gone gets my mingled horror and reluctant high five. Hard. Core.

No, no, no, you let the beat drop. Classic misunderstanding here. 

My friend was overdue nearly 2 weeks and decided to try to get labor started by hitting the club and dancing for several hours. It worked and the baby cha cha’d out the next morning.

Rudy Giuliani is thinking about starting an impeachment podcast to provide his brilliant, sought-after analysis of the public hearings, which are scheduled to begin later this week. Giuliani was overheard discussing the plans at a New York City restaurant over the weekend, which CNN later confirmed via a spokeswoman…

(Was there some fuckery with the comments in the barf bag last Friday? I was allowed to post, could see a comment count, but could not see any comments.)

Senator Bernie Sanders has tweeted about the potential military coup in Bolivia.

How is it not abuse to force your child to undergo invasive physical exams?! Pervert. 

As if it could get worse, T.I. also readily admitted that he knows his 15 year old son started having sex last year and doesn’t have any issue with it. I’m guessing he also reminds his son that “those sluts” are fine for now, but make sure you find a respectable woman to date. 

This is fucking child abuse.

I’d just tell him that she’s not required to disclose any of her private health information to anybody else. It’s standard practice if a patient’s parent accompanies them to the health visit, past age 11 or 12 or so, to ask the parent to step out of the room to discuss issues that they may not want their parents…

Men like him are deeply paranoid about his daughter meeting the 20 year old version of himself.

This made me remember back when my dad suspected I was dating he said he could take me to a doctor and he could verify if I was a virgin still, I wasn’t anymore, but I was 16 and I was terrified that he would find out, I just insisted that I was still one and to butt out, thankfully he dropped the topic, but I always…

T.I. is very concerned about his daughter’s hymen. He’s so concerned that he recently told a podcast that he goes to the gynecologist every year to have the doctor “check” her hymen.

If I’m that doctor, the Hippocratic oath requires me to lie to that fucking creepy-ass, boundary-challenged parent. “Yup. Still there. Like a Capri Sun, fresh out of the carton, up in there.”