Obviously this is a ploy by the CDC because they want all the raw cookie dough for themselves.

With Mark Sanchez as QB, how could they not be deemed “ASS Team of the Week?”

Considering how top-heavy NFL quarterback play tends to be, he can be “below NFL average” and still well above the median.

This isn't the Marlins buddy 

Six hours of “They could apply the franchise tag, orrrrr, they could apply the transition tag. Franchise tag or transition tag. Which would be better? We’ll take your calls right after this word from My Pillow.”

Sure, I’ll fight. Why not! I think there’s a significant difference between “Greatest player to wear a Lakers jersey” (LeBron, Wilt, Kareem, Magic, Shaq in some order ... possibly that order) and “Greatest Laker” (Magic or Kareem).

It’s safe to say that TMZ has done more for domestic violence victims than the NFL.

Surprised Washington is asking for privacy and not selling the naming rights to the infection to make Snyder some more dough.

it was a stretch, but I like what you did there.

This is leg-endary word play

We need a quarterback who is more like Mark Sanchez is a very funny excuse...

Johnson presumably had the leg up for this spot by virtue of having been originally drafted by Washington team president Bruce Allen

It’s not body-shaming to criticize an athlete for allowing his weight to balloon to a point where it affects his performance.  Kelvin Benjamin is guilty of sloth and gluttony, and that doesn’t mix well with being a wide receiver, the build they need to be effective. 

I mean, in some sense, you’re right - you think statistical analysis is mumbo jumbo because you can’t understand it.

I’m not sure I believe your assessment that you do. Let’s try a little quiz: if I predict that something only has a 29% chance of happening, and then it happens, was I wrong? 

Also unfathomable? The commentating. I’ve heard bad football broadcasts, but by God, I’ve never quite heard anything like last night. It’s as if they were actively trying to talk about anything but the action taking place on the field. I know, it’s a Washington game, but still.

So sad that Colt McCoy had to be destroyed.

Dave Justice denies your writ of certiorari.

Maybe we check with Aaron Judge?

Who am I to argue with a Juris Doctor about the Second Amendment?