The first example to come to mind:

you should've sealed it with a romantic fist bump

On Saturday I had to do a party- I was there PURELY FOR THE FUCKING PARTY. The party left by 7, my fucking stupid-ass boss was being a piece of shit.

My church teaches that the only valid marriage is between one ketchup and one mustard.

I've worked in two restaurants. Both:

As a 1983 Millenial, I agree. Not that I have a ton of friends born in 1997, but when I read about Millenials I often can't relate. I don't know if it's just that people talk about tropes they find worrying about Millenials and those tropes are not really true, or what.

They're not even all kids. It's apparently anyone born between 1980 and 2000, which is just nuts because sorry, I was born in 1984 and I have zero in common with someone born in 2000. And I struggle to give a shit what a 15 year old thinks about morality anyway, because they're 15 and the majority haven't experienced…

My experience in dealing with over a thousand college-bound or first-year college students, over 20 years, has led me to believe this:

Very much so disappointed that there is no mention of Bobby Bottleservice in addition to, bro.

I'm going to miss it SO MUCH

I'm so GENUINELY jealous of you right now.

Does Andrew Jerecki actually think that goatee looks good?

it was a sexier time.

Re: Ron Henderson scam

Holy shit, dude. Those trains are older than my parents and twice as annoyingly loud.

Reminds me of a joke I like telling Harvard students when I'm near campus:

The twist is that the author of this e-mail was Tyler the entire time (spoiler alert).

Yeah, I have $150 in checking to last me until the 1st. Dov can kiss my shiny butt.