Nothing would make me happier than to see Andy Reid in full pads each week, honestly.

Please register and check to see if you’re registered to vote. This is a list by state via TheRoot: https://www.theroot.com/make-this-go-viral-the-voter-registration-deadline-for-1829462310

Dusted, vacuumed, did the dishes. Fuck Dump, my apartment looks nice. Now to donate to the earthquake fund.

Apologies for being slightly off-topic, but trying to get people to make a call (especially if you’re in Maine!)

It's all bad, all the time. Life under Trump is heavy, man. At least I got my apartment cleaned today.

If you didn’t see this story that the NYT just dropped . . . holy fucking shit.

But you don’t have 10 chicken breasts in one sitting. You have one—maybe two—so it’s easy to internalize/accept that you’ve eaten one animal. But with wings you’re having like 5-10 animals worth! Crazy!

That’s John Kelly.

The thing about wings, tho, is that every chicken comes with two of them. You have your breasts, your thighs, your drumsticks... and wings. So you might as well eat them. The woman who invented Buffalo wings had hungry teenagers and a surplus of wings from her restaurant, so she figured out a way to make the wings…

Every time I buy chicken thighs I’m reminded of why I don’t buy them more often: It takes half a fucking hour to trim all the goddamned fat off of them. I was hungry when I started. Now I’m hangry and I haven’t even gotten the meat in to the fucking pan! Fuck! Why do I have to cook this shit? I’m hungry now. Can I…

Stress yawning in dogs is very much a thing, but it’s not the only reason why they yawn. My dog will sometimes yawn uncontrollably in the car if she’s nervous about where we’re going for some reason.

I’m too cheap to take my wife to Paris. I need some overbearing friend to go get married IN Paris so that I have no choice but to pony up for a cross-country flight and then bitch about it.

I have no idea how I would handle this if it happened to me. What would you do if the mad pooper struck in your backyard? Would you stop him mid-poop?

Who the fuck drinks beer after listening to “Red Red Wine”?

Also beer doesn’t usually have ice in it when you throw it at strangers who tell you and your douchbro friends to stop staring at them... 

It’s the bit of “A spokesperson for Senator Chuck Grassley told NBC News that ‘the texts from Ms. Berchem do not appear relevant or contradictory to Judge Kavanaugh’s testimony.’” that gets me. HOW NOT, CHUCK?

TBF I think passing out from drinking too much Boone’s Farm might be considered less “blacking out” and more of a “diabetic coma” ...

It makes me shiver thinking about when his nomination was first announced. He presented himself in such a meek, humbled manner. Watching his demeanor slowly unravel reminds me that the worst people in the world are sometimes those who society wants us to believe are the fittest. Imagine if none of this came to light.…

It is important to note that he said, “I drank beer with my friends. Almost everyone did. Sometimes I had too many beers. Sometimes others did. I liked beer. I still like beer. But I did not drink beer to the point of blacking out.”

“The texts from Ms. Berchem do not appear relevant or contradictory to Judge Kavanaugh’s testimony.”