I can’t believe the thought to work out never occurred to him until after he retired from professional athletics.

Folks, Ol’ Thompson is writing on a fucking Tuesday. Obviously he has been left in charge due to some egregious oversight, but the upside is he has invited us all over for a kegger tonight. Bring weed.

Get a room, you two.

A fat guy with a leg injury? Shocking. My longtime orthopedic surgeon will never believe this.

Holy shit, the NHL playoffs are happening?

4 plants? In a Canadian growing season? It sounds worse than rehab, don’t fall for this shit. You could get high more often in Canadian jail.

Landscape mode. LANDSCAPE MODE!

Larry Doby was called up to the big leagues by the Cleveland franchise 3 months after Jackie Robinson. Doby and Satchel Paige were the first black athletes to win the World Series. These are facts the Onion would never dare give you.

Looks like I’m going to have to be the one to say it. The fact that Jackie is so revered and Larry Doby so forgotten is a national disgrace. The collective amnesia of this country, on all matters, befuddles me each and every passing day.

If it makes you feel any better, it was a ginger whale, so it had no soul.

Nice to see Jim Lahey all dressed up and semi-coherent.

Hodor.

Love needs to suck it up. My kid ran into the coffee table just like that and besides some slurred speech, crazy eyes and trouble with balance that kid is just fine.

LeBron just took his T-bird away.

Joseph Conrad agrees. The Heart of Darkness is in us all, the only differences people have are what it takes to expose it.

St. Louis can fucking burn.

God Bless Inspector Gadget.

You are three hookers and unlimited salad away from having my dream dinner.

Die old man. Or don’t. Prisoners need Picture Pages.

Getting dusty in here.