Have Robert Downey Jr host with him saying, “I know what it’s like to climb back up from the bottom, Oscars. Let’s do this.”

I think Duane Johnson’s introduction of Lin-Manuel Miranda shows that he should host.

Please don’t apologize Faye, that was the most interesting thing to happen at the Oscars since some dude ran on stage naked about 40 years ago.

She’s hatching an egg. Leave her alone. Lizard people don’t replenish themselves.

It’s not good for you to be miserable and really not good for your kid to see you miserable, unloved, or treated badly. I stayed for 10 years for my kid. I really wish I had left sooner because she is so much happier with us apart and she was really damaged by the dysfunction she lived in. Best of luck to you.

If there’s a terrorist attack and Trump survives, he’ll probably suspend elections and declare himself dictator due to “emergency measures” like Hitler did.

I’m so glad I’m not the only person who has been fantasizing about a Designated Survivor-type of situation.

So did the hair, when it was still attached to the cat and soft to pet. So that’s two for Half Eaten Snickers Covered In Cat Hair Under the Couch. Sorry, Wakeen.

Do you remember in Harry Potter when Voldemort was being really super mean to the Malfoy’s and you were like, “sucks to be y’all. Prolly shouldn’t have hung out with wizard Nazis.”

These would be perfect if I allowed my sub to wear anything.

My question is: Why are you so concerned with what Chris Evans is doing with his dick? Like, do you want to put it in your mouth? That’s fine. I too, hope that one day I will be able to put Chris Evan’s dick in my mouth.

“a story of forbidden love in Nazi Germany.”

It’s getting them on the buses and seated properly that’s the bitch.

I personally am praying for Harris-Duckworth.

With that head? He would barely notice.

Johnny Depp is becoming a dirtier, drunker, less-rich Charles Foster Kane.

Hey! I finally have something in common with Miranda Kerr. I’m not having sex either. This concludes the portion of Things I Have in Common With Miranda Kerr, please tune in next week.

Believe me, I hope you’re right because fuck that self-righteous old turtle.

Love. It’s the New York way.

Steve Bannon looks like the odd man out at a swingers party attended by Ted Cruz.