The clinic nurse gave me one of those after I had an abortion nearly 20 years ago. I was like, WTF, I remember these things from "Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret"!

OMFG those tracts that look like money make me REALLY want the ability to set fire to people with my mind. Anyone who leaves one of those as a tip (or puts them under your windshield wiper in the parking lot) ought to be beaten to death with their own shoes.

This is proof positive that Kelly Ripa has a HILARIOUS sense of humour about herself!

I have had terrific luck scrounging my local Value Village. I found a pair of Baby Phat jeans there for like 10 bucks and they are the BEST fitting jeans I have ever put on my butt. I just wish I could find more of them!

EW EW EW EW EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

deadmau5 and Daft Punk are my regular go-tos for running music.

"A fanatic does what he thinks God would do, if only He knew the facts of the situation."

As someone raised by an unwed teenage mother, I think I would rather swallow Drano while rolling on broken glass than have a child. I've never wanted anything to do with parenting, as I have zero patience for thought processes slower or less experienced than my own.

Oh god. This is the worst case of food poisoning I have ever had, and it's a doozy (pun intended).

There's a dirty limerick that starts out,

My husband's a Newfie and doesn't have the accent at all, although the rest of his family does. It's pretty funny.

Yeah, when WAS the last time someone died of second-hand fat? Ugh.

I love that Gabby Sidibe wears Addition-Elle on the regular; that is my favourite clothing store right now.

I have a CK suit I bought on eBay for like 25 bucks 4 years ago and it looks amazing on me.

Hahaha mine too! I may be able to watch it again in about 5 or 6 centuries...

I had to watch it on mute. I just CAN'T...

He's probably still recuperating from being married to that succubus Avril Latrine.

My husband is distantly related to LMM! They're like third cousins or something.

Is it wrong that I totally want to make that pizza for Halloween now?

All I could think of was this: