I don’t want to alarm you, but in the three days after I gave birth to my first kid, I went from B to G. IT WAS WEIRD. Now I have deflated balloons.

My husband somehow had no clue how spectacular it was. Just casually before last Christmas he’s all “I got you some seats in the company suite for...Adele? You like her, right?”. And then I got to surprise my SIL and two friends with tickets. That was fun.

Yeah, I saw her last summer and I was blown away. You feel like your friend is singing for you. Really well. Ha.

My sister was just like this at 13. Skinny with boobs. And then I turned 13 a couple years later and nothing happened.

Seriously. Yes, the worn out clothes handed down from my sister were free. YAY!

Only one of my cats loves me. And she loves me more than anyone else on earth.

The other two are in the 37% and are merely sitting around waiting for me to die so they can feast upon my entrails.

Oh, yes. I’ve had every cancer there is according to me and Dr. Google. It’s stopped since I got medication and therapy for my anxiety. Pain is far reduced as well.

I should have scrolled down before I posted. I am cooking soooooo many things. I have people coming for hubby’s birthday tomorrow. I’m doing “bar food”. And various craft beers to go with. Not allowed to eat any tonight though.

It’s cooooooking night! Hubby turns 34 tomorrow and for one and a half glorious months he cannot make fun of me for being old. Right now I’m baking little rolls for sliders. Then I’m making this maple bacon peanuts. Then pulled pork. Then chocolate cheesecake. And I need to caramelize some onions. I expect I will…

They should have brought in some imported bears to liven things up.

I imagine you get to see your doctor, pay a co-pay, have him/her tell you what tests you need and then you have to pay for everything after that. Lol. Maybe there could be tiers of diagnostics. The budget version only covers the simplest blood tests, premium covers ambulatory care procedures with scopes and crap. But…

God, I miss my archaeobotany classes circa 14 years ago. My prof was obsessed with Ina and every week she baked us something from her cookbooks for our 8am lab. Sigh. Memories.

I’m making that ganache cake.

OMG.

Thank you for the advice. I hope you kick some doctor ass in court.

I think you are right. Personally I think he’s just stressed the fuck out, but it would be kind of funny to be on the other side of the colonoscopy. I had to go through that 3 years ago and he got a kick out of it. Sweet, sweet revenge.

My husband has developed some weird digestive problem and he has to fly all the time and he’s been worried about being on the plane with his weird guts, so I now say “Shart your pants!” for good luck. So far no sharts!

He really needs to go to the doctor.

I just felt like sharing.

And the thing is they almost always do it when you aren’t home. My kid decided to do this big potty training regression on a camping trip. It was unpleasant. We did not bring enough clothes.

I think they inject it into the womb.

Funny, I thought this would expand her palate and she’d be this great eater. Ahahaha. Right. At 2.5 years old she promptly began picking the salmon out of the roll and she’s never eaten fish since.

You can! Just get takeaway! You can eat it in bed. No one will know.

Yeah, my kids were completely different from each other. My first one was sleeping at least 6 hours solid from day 1. She was low birth weight so we had to wake her up to eat. She loved naps. She’d sleep anywhere. My second one did not sleep a solid six hours until she was 15 months old. She required co-sleeping. She…

No, it didn’t help my shitty sleeper either. She ate like a pig all day...and then sucked on boob all night. They will wake up for boobs just because they like them.