It’s funny how people think. I live in Hawai’i, and I surf a fair amount. My island averages one shark attack death every 10 years and one traffic death every month. When I tell people I’m a surfer nobody EVER replies “aren’t you afraid you’ll die in a traffic crash on your way to the beach?”. Almost everybody replies…

This reminds me of the time I was in the water with my two sisters and we spotted a familiar triangular fin at a not-too-distant sand bar. One of my sisters looked at me and said “is this a bad time to admit I’m on my period?”

POOP CROQUET. We can't even play POOP CROQUET any more. IS NOTHING SACRED?

BBQ. Meat that stays out too long, gets cooked with unrelable heat on a grill that hasn’t been perfectly clean since you bought it, by someone who downed a 6-pack before starting. Add kids with dirty hands helping bring out the dishes on the table the wildlife scratches its ass on and you have your own E. Coli…

Jennifer Lopez was only an approximation.

Tbh regardless of how anyone feels about her “limited musical abilities,” Selena was a groundbreaking artist in that genre of music. She was also someone to look up to for the girls who were not fair skinned, blonde blue eyed girls...someone they could relate to. I'm not even Hispanic but I grew up LOVING Selena…

While I agree that Mac recognized the petition they are also a business first. Selena pretty much embodies that 1990’s matte look which is seeing an insane resurgence as it relates to makeup. Not sure I would call it a coincidence, but I mean Mac was bound to launch a super matte collection this year so it is their…

Four horses of the poopacalypse?

And I looked, and behold a brown horse: and his name that sat on him was Deuce, and Feces followed with him.

These are our two options???

I will take fecal matter (which is literally everywhere because people are gross) over brain eating amoebas every time.

Microbiology spoils swimming in lakes with brain eating amebas and walking on the beach with germs from poop. What summer activity will we find out is full of deadly microorganisms next?

We have owner manuals but of course we can’t understand the dang things. I use mine to prop up my makeup mirror.

Maybe you need a new fuel injector. And just for spice, an overhead cam?

I wish Car Talk was still on because Tom and Ray would have had a field day with those questions.

Make sure to have a man take a look at it. Ladies don’t know nothing about fixing vaginas

Oh my God I didn’t even think of that! I thought it was a filter thing, I’m going to try that right now.

You probably just need to get you ball joints greased and an alightment done. Worked for me!

I think we need a new public radio call-in show: “Cunt Talk”, with Lick and Like, the I’d-Tap-It Brothers. Listeners can call in with questions related to vaginas, vagina repair, and the answer to this week’s puzzler!

And that’ll stop the knocking? My vagina will also stall while in idle, not every single time but like if it’s been a while. I think it might be a filtering problem. Mamanova warned me she said “Supernova be good to your vagina and you’ll get many years of good service. Treat her bad and she’ll put out what you put…