The American people know how to protect their health, but can’t handle being inconvenienced, so won’t 

Theoretically, yes. But as my boss once told me after a major fuckup on my part, you can try to idiot-proof things as much as you can, but nature will always build a better idiot

That’s the joke (done in my best Rainier Wolfcastle voice)

Shapiro and Owens were just feeling salty because their request to join the proud boys got denied

Maybe they should have Michael Bay work it into the next Transformers movie. It would transform into a giant robot squirrel or gopher that would be friends with the Shia LeBeouf character. Wait, he’s not in the movies anymore?

Somewhere Eric Trump is crossing off “via Potomac with hand-held sea scooter” from his idea list of how to escape the feds. 

This asshole should really have his medical license taken away. You learn some epidemiology and infectious disease in med school, but I doubt the shit he learned many years ago is still retained or applicable. Radiologists are certainly smart, but most have minimal patient interactions after the first year of training…

Maybe Herman Cain should tweet some thoughts and prayers to them to cheer them up

That’s crazy. I’m a pediatrician, and basically the majority of people in the field are all big softies, so this is especially shocking. Or I guess not shocking at all - the racist bone really trumps everything else (pun semi-intended). 

The problem is that the only people stupid enough to go on a cruise in a pandemic, have probably not been paragons of social distancing or mask wearing. It’s basically taking the people who take the biggest and dumbest risk and putting them together in close quarters, where they will most certainly continue to not…

Only if the hood turret can be made to shoot donkey sauce

This thing is actually pretty cool - I thought it would be like a harpoon, but basically just a net that wraps around the wheel/axle. Seems really dangerous for the cop doing it though, but I guess they don’t bust these out for garden variety shit

Lots of meth

Maybe I’m just old, but there was a time many years ago when facebook would crack down on nudity using weird algorithms that had unintended effects

You mean when COVID-denying assholes are in charge of making sure the nation has reliable testing in a pandemic, that we don’t have reliable testing in a pandemic?

Bannon just needs to upload one of those elbow photos that look like boobs to their censorship software, and also fuck Zuck’s wife. Then they maybe will give him a strongly worded warning

It’s quite sustainable for them! 

Ah, my favorite genre of policy paper, the “let’s pay for things society needs to function and companies need to make money by doing everything possible except taxing the companies and individuals making the most money”

They’ve missed an opportunity to have it collect the alcohol vapor, condense it, and return it back to you via a butt-chug device. I would call such a device the Forever Pledge. 

I witnessed a van full of Trump supporters pull up to an adult book store, then do some ranting about the election at a nearby landscaping company. But the thing is that they were also right next to a crematorium. And what else would one be doing at a crematorium besides destroying evidence. I’m willing to submit an…