It’s like a mean corrupt version of Michael Scott from The Office is president. He thinks that if he just yells “I declare bankruptcy” it’s done

Honestly, I’m more surprised he didn’t accidentally upload it to his PornTube account

Yea OK, and they’re switching to USB-C charging to standardize cables and further reduce waste? Oh wait, no, because licensing fees.

I wish someone would ask her something about the Catholic church abuse scandals, just to see if she’d lose her shit a little

Everyone knows Trump doesn’t use computers. Probably because his hands are so small he can only hit the f and j keys

That’s about the number of those living statue / golden robot man street performers in NYC. Those outfits have to come from somewhere

Vitamin B17 is a made up vitamin. Sadly, cyanide is very much real and eating that entire bag of bitter apricot kernels may very well put someone in the hospital. That mouth numbing feeling is the cyanide poisoning. 

Makes sense. Columbus was about as much of an “explorer” as trump is a “businessman”. 

Apparently it’s more common further south, such is in Florida. Because this totally seems like a Florida thing

I’d like him to spend some time intubated and on a ventilator, then recover but with such poor lung function he can’t get a full sentence out of his pouty mouth. Then he and his whole family can go to jail

Very happy they got it. I can’t emphasize how revolutionary this technology is. I did grad school pre-CRISPR and there were all these great experiments that there was no technically feasible way to do. Now in the CRISPR era it’s so routine to do genome editing for science experiments, and it has really advanced a lot…

In America, you call ecological catastrophe. In Russia, we call successful fishing outing

Most appropriate use of “over the air update” ever

I’m surprised that there haven’t been any tweets from Trump claiming that he was nominated for the Noble (that’s how his people spell it) prize for his discovery of the novel coronavirus and ranting about how the liberal fake news scientists are keeping the prize from him

But is my Republican asshole COVID bingo game still OK? I’m just a Jared Kushner or Mark Meadows away from victory. 

I don’t want him to die. I want him to be on a ventilator until November 2nd and to get the sedation taken off just in time to watch himself lose. But I want his lungs and everything to be so messed up that he can’t get a sentence out that anus mouth without having to take 4 breaks.

Well, that’s nothing that can’t be cured with a hefty dose of hydroxychloroquine, a bleach enema, and some strong thoughts and prayers

I have a friend who reviews everything on google right after a meal and puts what she ate and whether it was good. She has a custom google map set up with the places she has eaten and with her reviews she can quickly see whether to go back and what to get or not get. It’s an involved system but seems to work well

Haha, yea, a lot of the people giving advice because they’ve had one or two kids successfully don’t seem to realize that kids, family situations, and available resources may be completely different. What works for a family with an easy-going kid and a job that ends early enough to make a fancy dinner may not work for…

A neuroradiologist is about as qualified to manage public health in a pandemic as a plumber is to do electrical rewiring of your house. I’m sure he’s good at diagnosing strokes and stuff, but needs to shut the fuck up about anything outside his field of expertise