I call fake news, because every cybertruck owner I know would be taking up at least two parking spots anyway

I hope he doesn’t have his gun anywhere near him if he ever decides to watch My Neighbor Totoro

What about the asshole who puts the green bag of dog shit into my recycling container if it’s not retrieved within 30 seconds? Do I have to make special arrangements to have their body picked up or is that assumed to be on the house?

But can they figure out which ancestors all the incels arose from?

When is Musk going to try to disrupt submersibles?

I guess this advice is useful if you’re a dirt poor college student living in rented housing. If you own your place and have to do things around the house 1-2 times per year, don’t buy the cheap stuff. You’re going to be replacing it in a year if you’re lucky, or if you’re unlucky you’ll injure yourself or damage…

I used to try to pack my kid what I thought were reasonable portions. Then at her 6 year old pediatrician visit she was asked about what she eats, and said “My parents didn’t pack me enough lunch so I was hungry at recess”. Which was only true because she decided she no longer liked a certain food that particular day,…

This country would be so much better off if we just gave Florida back to Spain and Texas to Mexico, but we’d probably have to pay them just to take them off our hands. 

His next project will be to ask “what if the whole airplane was made of the same material as the black box?”

Would UMG let Greene use his music?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Commotio_cordis

I would imagine most Philip Glass works are not fun if drunk or hung over

I remember a family friend told me about his experience trying to buy a car in the Soviet Union, much as was insightfully described here at Jalopnik https://jalopnik.com/what-it-was-like-to-buy-and-own-a-car-in-the-ussr-1783136956

There was a time in my life I’d pregame some things, but a Broadway production of Death of a Salesman is definitely not one of those things

Yea at first I was like, who am I to judge how people get paid, I’m sure a lot of people are choosing to play the game because it might be the best career option available. But then I decided I don’t really want to be contributing a single penny to the likes of Jerry Jones and Dan Snyder

I really love watching football, but stopped watching NFL games about 5 years ago when the JAMA CTE study came out. It feels gross watching a bunch of young, predominantly Black men getting their brains shaken to mush, especially when I would never in a million years let my kid play for that very reason. 

I was going to make some sort of a joke about Bob Kraft and special experiences and massages and all. But honestly considering the Pats have one of the whitest fan bases in the NFL, I’m actually pleasantly surprised and impressed that they did this. 

Why is this police and not campus security? I know a lot of colleges have essentially outsourced their security to the local PD, but many places still have dedicated security forces that can hopefully de-escalate a lot of situations without getting police involved. I would think that at an HBCU institution that would…

Those rankings are as suspicious as hot sauce rankings. There’s always the stuff that’s just straight up bad, but once you’re in the middle of the pack and up, it’s basically nonsense. There are different types and flavor profiles that you might choose depending on what you’re using it for. 

He might not be the best parent, but he’ll sure make a great Republican senate candidate