Pudding cups. So many pudding cups. I like to tell myself it’s because my kid only wants to eat pudding while sick, but it’s really because if I’m going to die, drowning in a bathtub of chocolate pudding is probably the way to go

It’s like the privilege behind Kavanaugh. Dude felt entitled to a supreme court job. In a sane world, credible attempted rape accusations and a bunch of other things would disqualify him from that job in favor of many other people who did not attempt to rape someone. Same for any other job. Louis CK doesn’t have some…

This is a problem for people with self control who can keep themselves from just eating the whole bag to avoid figuring out how to close the bag, 

It’s cool guys, he just found that money in the couch cushions, he still has plenty left!

I drink at least $15 of shit coffee per month that I have to make myself. I’d be willing to pay more for essentially unlimited quantities of more convenient better coffee

I would do that subscription even for a place with worse coffee than Panera. Those 32 oz tubs of Folgers ground coffee are like $7 and will make me far less than a month of bad coffee (sad story, this is how I get my caffeine these days). If the local ABP, Dunkin, or Starbucks would offer me a subscription plan, I’d…

Can someone who does those kinds of mostly highway miles on a common ICE car put this into perspective? I live in a city with pretty harsh weather and driving conditions so to me it doesn’t seem bad relative to the things my family’s cars have gone through

I sense the making of a movie about a plucky prison football team. Maybe also get Adam Sandler for it, he’s always good in those kinds of movies

The out of character part is the fact that he did it in public in front of a non-white person. He probably says it around his all-white squash club all the time

It’s the perfect play! It looks good to their base and the cheapskates don’t even have to pony up any scholarship money!

I’m pretty sure that the superbowl half time show is at the bottom of the list of things keeping this guy out of heaven. 

It’s because the Antebellum Plantation Dioramas were all sold out

I remember my pediatrics co-residents pumping in random closets and bathrooms of the supposedly lactation-friendly major children’s hospital where we worked. Like if that’s a place that can’t get pumping right, that’s just fucked up. 

Not if you’re not white, because they’ll shoot you too and then say you both have guns. 

That’s a good way to get shot

COBRA is expensive as all fuck. Plus you still have all the copays and deductibles you’d have otherwise. Most people don’t have enough spare cash sitting around to cover 3-5 grand for the COBRA insurance and associated medical costs.

I’m sure it works better if you first turn the gun sideways!

The only time the organized religion people really care about children is when they’re sexually abusing them.

Everyone knows he brings Whole Foods apple pie and fancy paper plates

I’m pretty sure that one of the main political parties has no interest in more diverse representation in Congress or diluting their electoral votes with a bunch of non-white people