These boob police guys are just trying to protect her honor, but keep getting friend-zoned. Why can’t she see that they’re so nice and much better relationship material than all the chads.

I look forward to the two Jets vs Dolphins and one more Jets vs Bills game this year, where these three teams try to see who can shit their pants the hardest while stepping on their own dick.. I think the Dolphins have what it takes to out-Jets the Jets

Picking up the New England defense did wonders for my fantasy football team this week, but made me feel so dirty.

I tried something like this with my kid, but LabNerd Jr figured out that if you suck in hard enough, the tissue moves too

Could be worse, he could have gotten it made entirely out of wood and then kept yelling “I am Groot” as he drove it. 

Sometimes the NFL leadership really likes to remind the players who the owners are. Can’t have the convicts running the prison. So you have some management people following this “we need to have the unconditional respect and fear of our players”, which is a bullshit attitude when you’re managing grown ass adults being…

This. My uncle hunts (bow, rifle) nearly religiously, and owns several hunting rifles. He is also absolutely obsessive about firearm safety - training, storage, etc. I’ve gone hunting with him a few times, and he made me do a short gun safety thing first and then practice at a range several times before he would even…

You skipped over the part about the well regulated militia. That seems pretty well defined too. 

I’m sure that somehow Antonio Brown was involved in this

Carson Wentz: who are they calling fragile now?!

I demand that WYTS for the Raiders, Steelers, and Patriots be amended. We can’t wait another year

That’s the other accepted way to earn a Kiko Alonzo jersey

Brown is fast, but not fast enough for Carr to avoid oncoming defenders or tripping over his own feet

It was definitely not done by Trump. He can’t find Alabama on the map, even with the AL there. 

I still can’t understand people whose self-worth is tied to a college team they did not even play on. Seriously, it’s a bunch of teenagers throwing a ball around. It’s one thing if this dude’s teammates got upset at the joke about a hard loss, that’s reasonable. Everyone else really needs to find something better to…

His math major and the noose thing will get him a job as Stephen Miller’s undersecretary of counting illegal immigrants

The bucket seat also has a built-in toilet for when you shit yourself at around 290 mph

This 100%!

It’s going to get very very hot in that car

I’ve been going to a few games per year since high school, usually with a group of friends and more recently my wife. I read George Will’s Men at Work 3 years ago, and I have to say that I’ve started appreciating the games so much more. I made the wife read it - she’s not a huge sports fan, but she loved it and now…