It was definitely not done by Trump. He can’t find Alabama on the map, even with the AL there. 

I still can’t understand people whose self-worth is tied to a college team they did not even play on. Seriously, it’s a bunch of teenagers throwing a ball around. It’s one thing if this dude’s teammates got upset at the joke about a hard loss, that’s reasonable. Everyone else really needs to find something better to…

His math major and the noose thing will get him a job as Stephen Miller’s undersecretary of counting illegal immigrants

The bucket seat also has a built-in toilet for when you shit yourself at around 290 mph

This 100%!

It’s going to get very very hot in that car

I’ve been going to a few games per year since high school, usually with a group of friends and more recently my wife. I read George Will’s Men at Work 3 years ago, and I have to say that I’ve started appreciating the games so much more. I made the wife read it - she’s not a huge sports fan, but she loved it and now…

We’re about to impose 100% tariffs on canadian lube and condoms

Ride around the pothole ridden streets at 7AM, and all you see are methadone clinic lines of people with Eagles jerseys and pajama bottoms or too short denim-shorts strangulating fat flabby calves. I’m constantly amazed that Eagle’s fans haven’t gone extinct from not having the IQ to avoid choking on scrapple or a…

They tried replacing the human players with dogs back in the 1990s, but the dogs kept taking a knee every time they heard a dog whistle

Good thing they had the foresight to put all the lead in the water to kill the bacteria in case they ever had to dump sewage in there. 

Pantaleo’s mistake was that he used the chokehold. Had he simply shot Garner, he could have just pulled the usual line about him reaching for his waistband in a threatening manner and there would be zero repercussions. 

Philadelphia: A lot of the “major” streets are one-way only, and only have 2 lanes + a parking lane. There is inevitably some asshole double parked and taking up one of those lanes. There’s also always another asshole double parked in the other lane, leaving only like 10 feet between the cars, so you have to weave…

His leave is just to prepare for his confirmation hearings to head the new ICE division of racial purity

I should try this with my 2012 MBP. It’s been put out to pasture to make room for my 2017 MBP, but I miss the magsafe and the keyboard...

Just in case, Cashman will avoid getting any closer to Boston

The only way this could be more Philly is if they were beating each other with bags of stale pretzels 

I would pay good money to see the AB hand-painted version of the Raiders logo. Maybe once he retires because of the helmet rules, we can get him to do all the NFL teams ones, a la George W Bush

I’m sure that their average fan produces enough beer-soaked ass and crotch sweat per hour to drown the entire team

I’m willing to bet that sex situation didn’t happen, or at least not in the way that he remembers it. Either way, it ended with his furiously masturbating with a bible or a copy of Atlas Shrugged