Can’t be Florida, they don’t even bother with the fake teeth

That man has been saving his timeouts for retirement

That’s the sound an elite QB makes

Oh god, this makes me shamefully think back to all my go-to “moves” when I was a horny teen just getting my first experiences with breasts. Thankfully an awesome college girlfriend read me the riot act when I tried that shit on her, and forever changed my approach to boobs for the better. 

Assholes like him need to be beaten with a bar of soap wrapped in one of those aluminum blankets they give the kids in the concentration camps. Sadly there’s no soap there

How do people feel about “female” being used in a clinical setting? I’ve always been taught throughout medical training to write and say things like “This is a 20 year old female”. I’ve met a few people in the field who insist on using “woman, girl, boy, man,” but they’re generally cranky old men, so who knows.…

I’m sure the remaining dolls can be donated to the local police department

I guess routinely talking to Republican crowds does make you a special ed professional

There are lots of reasons to hate credit card companies, but banks have data breaches just as often, so I don’t think that avoiding credit cards makes your identity any more secure

Most churches conveniently skip things like this and go straight to the part about the gays not being allowed to do abortions or something something

I don’t know why people need to get all judgy about others’ beverage choices. I can’t stand overly bitter IPAs, but if people want to drink them, that leaves more pilseners and belgian-style beers for me. I don’t care what my friends are drinking, as long as they remember what I like when it’s their turn to buy a…

Paper airplanes are about the only thing that the Jets can actually manage to get into the end zone

I would just rather not poop for 9 days and then get one of those colonoscopy-type cleanouts where you drink a gallon of poop-inducing nastiness and then spend the night crying on the toilet

I’m surprised the police wannabes didn’t demand a full-on patdown and cavity search. Everyone knows the best way to hide a stolen t-shirt is inside yourself

There is a popular Russian version called Bear. You find a free bear on your local sidewalk and ride it to your destination. This program has successfully culled the population of assholes who would typically be riding scooters and annoying the shit out of normal people

My mother has already emailed me a link about this story. Thanks Jermaine for making every other son look bad

Pretty much all religions oppress and devalue women. Orthodox judaism essentially values women only for their baby-making ability. Plenty of Evangelical churches encourage the women to subjugate themselves to the men and focus on having babies and cooking. The only differences are how much skin they’re allowed to…

Good thing this guy isn’t a Knicks fan, or who knows what kind of threats Dolan would be getting

I know rompers are a crime against fashion and all things practical, but no airline has ever made a big deal of all the white women holding up bathroom lines as they struggle to urinate in an adult onesie.

Is there like a national shortage of assholes willing to be cops? They can advertise in any seedy reddit thread and dig up a bunch of racist homophobic people who want a gun and a badge but don’t have a record of being fired for their shitty behavior. I’m continually amazed that none of these departments think that…