I’m surprised the police wannabes didn’t demand a full-on patdown and cavity search. Everyone knows the best way to hide a stolen t-shirt is inside yourself

There is a popular Russian version called Bear. You find a free bear on your local sidewalk and ride it to your destination. This program has successfully culled the population of assholes who would typically be riding scooters and annoying the shit out of normal people

My mother has already emailed me a link about this story. Thanks Jermaine for making every other son look bad

Pretty much all religions oppress and devalue women. Orthodox judaism essentially values women only for their baby-making ability. Plenty of Evangelical churches encourage the women to subjugate themselves to the men and focus on having babies and cooking. The only differences are how much skin they’re allowed to…

Good thing this guy isn’t a Knicks fan, or who knows what kind of threats Dolan would be getting

I know rompers are a crime against fashion and all things practical, but no airline has ever made a big deal of all the white women holding up bathroom lines as they struggle to urinate in an adult onesie.

Is there like a national shortage of assholes willing to be cops? They can advertise in any seedy reddit thread and dig up a bunch of racist homophobic people who want a gun and a badge but don’t have a record of being fired for their shitty behavior. I’m continually amazed that none of these departments think that…

My nephrologist friend said that the best way to help people with kidney disease is to provide reasonable health insurance so that they can get care to either prevent their illness or manage it appropriately. Increasing the number of kidney transplants does jack shit if people are not able to pay for their…

When he was complaining that he wasn’t getting invited to parties because of his bullshit political views, what he was really saying is that he wants a child to massage his balls through his underwear just like at the Epstein parties

Well, he can always be a Fox news commentator. 

So is meth

The Knicks would like a word with you

Has he gotten fired yet? I’d like him to be fired and his wife to divorce his racist ass and raise that reasonable-sounding child properly 

it’s all a misunderstanding, throwing a chair is just how one tries out for a bullpen job with the Mets

If any of these people ever go see Hamilton, they will self combust. 

People who double park or park in bike lanes should have their windows smashed in with a brick. My fat ass doesn’t ride a bicycle, but I hate people who think their time is more valuable than everyone else’s 

Every time a black person gets shot at, they’re guilty of attempted murder. You never know when one of the dozens of bullets might bounce off and graze a police officer. They really should just stop resisting and take all the bullets like they’re told

There are many companies that are able to have a positive cash flow and a profit without fleecing their employees. The two are only contradictory if you’re one of the “disruptors”. If you can’t find a way to make your business profitable without resorting to this bullshit, you should not be in business

These viewpoints are not contradictory. These are bad companies that are losing tremendous amounts of money as part of their business plan. The people at the top of the corporate chain, however, are making money, but everyone who invested in them is going to get hosed

When your definition of smart is managing to take a shit without smearing it all over your balls and clothing, he’s a fucking MENSA member