The Knicks would have somehow managed to turn them into a useless human centipede

I think that there are fewer entitled Knicks fans than there are entitled Mets fans

Obviously, of all the shit to steal in a hospital, an IV pole and pump are obviously the easiest and most lucrative items. 

The police were so confused when Harden dove off his illegal scooter that they let him go

I feel like David Brooks is the alter ego of Ross Douthat, where he shaves that fucking goatee and puts on some glasses, then vomits up the same barely comprehensible garbage into a NYT column

I feel like the majority of these guys are just hoping to get a VP gig or a memoir paycheck out of this

I would like to offer LabNerd yoga. For a reasonable price, you too can do yoga on my dirty living room carpet while I binge-watch sci fi shows in my sweatpants. The aura of relaxation around me is palpable

Let’s not go crazy here and forget that campus police exist to protect the university’s reputation, not the students. They’re just as racist and sexist as the regular cops, but less competent at the basic crime stuff. 

Is the American Conservative Union a poorly attended club at a suburban junior high school? Because that’s what this man’s writing reads like

I’m very interested in learning more about the woman who had such a strong urge not to mind her own damn business and eat her plain chicken sandwich

There are a lot of comments here about the family’s decision to hire a lawyer. I assume the kid had at least a several day ICU stay (minumum $10,000/day), several head CTs and MRIs, and will need at least some degree of follow-up +/- physical therapy. Every medical insurance company wants to know for every injury…

“words alone are not considered action”

I find it very telling that a children’s magazine has issued this statement, and none of the major religious organizations in this country have said anything. 

Did the Access Hollywood tape really energize women? Because a tremendous amount of them voted for the orange shitstain anyway. I want to see the Democratic leaders validate these women and reinforce with each accusation that this is not acceptable. From a political standpoint, it won’t make a difference because…

I’m pretty ignorant when it comes to tractors, but how much horsepower is typical in ones that are actually used for routine modern farming?

He was providing excellent community service, specifically to the white racist community, aka “real Americans”

She should have just pretended to be a fake doctor in the United States; sham treatments are quite lucrative here (see Gwyneth Paltrow). Let the crazy rich white people have their fake medicine, and leave the kids in Africa the fuck alone.

I was pleasantly surprised that this did not come from a Philly sports fan.

Good thing their factory isn’t in Philly, or those would all just be double parked along every major street

If he were going to play for a New York team, he’d probably manage to injure himself while moving