He was providing excellent community service, specifically to the white racist community, aka “real Americans”

She should have just pretended to be a fake doctor in the United States; sham treatments are quite lucrative here (see Gwyneth Paltrow). Let the crazy rich white people have their fake medicine, and leave the kids in Africa the fuck alone.

I was pleasantly surprised that this did not come from a Philly sports fan.

Good thing their factory isn’t in Philly, or those would all just be double parked along every major street

If he were going to play for a New York team, he’d probably manage to injure himself while moving

Biden is that slightly racist, sexist, very touchy creepy uncle that every white person has. The old people love him but anyone young tries to avoid him at family gatherings, because he will kind of grope you while telling you not to go dating black people and to make sure to wear something more revealing so you can…

The majority of these people look like the only thing they have to be proud of is how much all you can eat scrapple they managed to scarf down while only getting a few grease stains on their nazi uniforms

I sometimes find it helpful to ask servers about stuff the same way I’ll ask a bartender about a new beer or drink recommendation. “You have a few different fish dishes on the menu, is there one that’s popular during this season that’s harder to get at other time?”, or “I’m looking for something with lots of green…

Aside from being paid by the teams, a lot of the team physicians get a huge financial benefit from being able to say they’re the team physician for a professional sports team, to the point that I think at least some of them don’t actually get paid by the team. Here, all the big orthopedic practices are always touting…

The Marlins will 100% not learn anything from humiliation

100% agree with you! The democrats will at least claim that the racism and rape are not OK before finding ways to excuse it

Man, that “I was just a dumb 16 year old” argument... My friends and I did plenty of dumb shit at that age, but racist bullshit was not on that list. The people who think that’s OK to say at 16 are the people who think it’s OK to say that decades later.

Trump and Netanyahu really should just be made into a circular human centipede

His next show will be one where people with cancer are told that their disease is in remission, go celebrate with their family, and then get publicly told that their cancer is actually getting worse

They did not detain him on the court because they don’t know how to detain a black man without shots being fired, and knew enough not to go shooting anyone live on national TV. 

They should make the next half mile even more symbolic by making it out of melted guns, a la the iron throne

I think this is the watch that Jeff Bezos used to generate those sexy text messages to his mistress lady friend

There needs to be a Jeter equivalent of this

I think most people would agree that the Chernobyl reactor, Gruden, and the majority of the Raiders organization should be buried in a concrete sarcophagus for the next 100+ years

This is a great suggestion for that small fraction of the population who can afford to keep two separate households and still have money left over for Jade vagina eggs.