He can’t beat John Gruden’s appearance as “immolated infantry man 1-19,000"

I’m not sure what’s worse, playing for the Knicks, or the polonium poisoning he now surely has.

you get all the chocolate starfish you want

His thoughts on minimum wage are fantastic. I especially like his commentary about how he can do it because he is not answerable to shareholders, but public companies may need to have the force of a state or federal minimum wage to allow themselves to do what he is doing. 

That’s insane. Even the people who committed the most vile crimes deserve proper legal representation, because that’s how an adversarial justice system works. 

Ugh. I’m not a fan of smelling other people’s food on the subway, but I assume that if they’re eating there it’s for a good reason. Nobody wants to eat on the damn subway. I always see white women putting on makeup on the bus and subway though, because that is an existential need greater than getting the calories you…

A business that cannot pay its employees a fair wage is one that should not exist

I think that there’s pretty good data about antidepressants and anxiolytics ending up in the water after sewage treatment. I’d think that there’s enough xanax byproducts in the Miami urine that ends up in the ocean to chill out all the fish in the Atlantic ocean. 

He’s like one step away from those asshole prosperity preachers whose only message is basically that if you’re poor, it’s your own damn fault for being a bad human being. Fuck all those people with their bible

Let’s hope nobody appeals to the Roberts court, because they will somehow interpret the constitution and Spades rules to further restrict voting rights. 

I feel like this will be a bud light commercial at the next superbowl

I’ve been at a bunch of deliveries and newborn resuscitations and always worried about dropping the baby - they’re slippery and squirmy little buggers. But fuck this guy, the only acceptable response should have been one of profound horror and apologies. Hospital risk management is often telling never to say sorry,…

I’m all for any redesign that makes him not look like a young adult on his way to a furry convention

I bet tomorrow he’ll be the new nominee to run the HHS Office of Women’s Health

I would imagine that without the purging step, you will go to great lengths to never poop again

This seems like a very poorly planned crime. 

I don’t think he realizes that all the dogs have already been designated as emotional comfort animals and the “neighbors” are about to call the cops because support animal laws are being broken

I’m lucky enough to work with a large number of Child Life specialist who help kids through uncomfortable, scary, and painful procedures. 100% agree on telling them the truth in a developmentally appropriate way. I’ve had to do a decent amount of suturing up wounds on toddler and school age kids, as well as lumbar…

It’s the location. If he were doing it in West Philly, nobody would give a shit. But he was doing it at 8th and Market, a location that the city authorities and local businesses are trying to make more white-people friendly. I’m sure that the cops have standing orders to harass anyone along market street in Center…

It’s GPM, gallons per mile