Do you have a child? I’m a pediatrician and should in theory be able to foresee the shit kids can get up to, so I always used to think that I would have no issues with parenting my kid away from dangers. Somehow my toddler always manages to find some object or part of my house that I thought was safe but is apparently…

I’m not sure what’s worse, playing for the Knicks, or the polonium poisoning he now surely has.

you get all the chocolate starfish you want

His thoughts on minimum wage are fantastic. I especially like his commentary about how he can do it because he is not answerable to shareholders, but public companies may need to have the force of a state or federal minimum wage to allow themselves to do what he is doing. 

People who invest money into a company that loses a billion dollars a year because “disruption” or whatever absolutely deserve to lose their money

That’s insane. Even the people who committed the most vile crimes deserve proper legal representation, because that’s how an adversarial justice system works. 

Ugh. I’m not a fan of smelling other people’s food on the subway, but I assume that if they’re eating there it’s for a good reason. Nobody wants to eat on the damn subway. I always see white women putting on makeup on the bus and subway though, because that is an existential need greater than getting the calories you…

A business that cannot pay its employees a fair wage is one that should not exist

I think that there’s pretty good data about antidepressants and anxiolytics ending up in the water after sewage treatment. I’d think that there’s enough xanax byproducts in the Miami urine that ends up in the ocean to chill out all the fish in the Atlantic ocean. 

People who make their own cat food don’t do it because they love the cat, they do it because they love one-upping their friends by bragging about the homemade cat food. 

It’s really rare for humans to get dietary deficiencies of things in wealthy countries. In part this is because everything is fortified with things that are hard to get but important, like folate and iodine. Humans are also omnivores, so there are trace minerals and nutrients that are easier for them to get than…

He’s like one step away from those asshole prosperity preachers whose only message is basically that if you’re poor, it’s your own damn fault for being a bad human being. Fuck all those people with their bible

I hope that this asshole and his family get shingles outbreaks frequently and painfully

Let’s hope nobody appeals to the Roberts court, because they will somehow interpret the constitution and Spades rules to further restrict voting rights. 

I feel like this will be a bud light commercial at the next superbowl

I’ve been at a bunch of deliveries and newborn resuscitations and always worried about dropping the baby - they’re slippery and squirmy little buggers. But fuck this guy, the only acceptable response should have been one of profound horror and apologies. Hospital risk management is often telling never to say sorry,…

Will the robot come pre-programmed to shoot non-white people, or will individual police departments have to pay extra for that feature?

I’m all for any redesign that makes him not look like a young adult on his way to a furry convention

I’ve seen multiple strokes from artery dissection associated with chiropractor manipulation or sports injuries, but this is the first time I’ve heard of it happening from cracking your own neck without a more serious injury. Right now I have a very strong compulsion to crack my neck that will drive me insane for the…

I bet tomorrow he’ll be the new nominee to run the HHS Office of Women’s Health