The runner was heard saying “ Once more into the fray..” before he attacked the mountain lion

This was a medical school yearbook. People typically graduate medical school in the mid to late 20s. People graduating medical school should know better than teenage stupid stuff. He was a full grown adult on his way of taking care of patient as a physician

I hear the sale listing said “interesting trades considered”

In Siberia, no use bolts to hold rail to ground. Tracks held in place by political prisoners.

I have one of those giant umbrellas with a handle that makes it look like a sword and a holster I can sling across my back. One of my black friends correctly pointed out that these umbrellas are basically for white people only and that he would not stand next to me if I were wearing it on my back, lest he somehow gets…

That face just screams “future rapist and Supreme Court justice”

Andy Pettitte needs more love

Maybe Belichick should take a job as white house chief of staff. Kill two birds with one stone. The most magnificent birds, some people say

I think that when you have to preemptively have to tell people how to cheer for a team, you should have stopped expanding 5 teams ago

Burger made of finest Chernobyl horse and bear. The polonium will make the comrades strong, for make win on behalf of America in the Superbowl

Dude needs to get his thyroid hormone levels checked

Rand, you gotta use lube if you’re going to try to rub one out between the pages of Atlas Shrugged. 

He didn’t outswim anything, he just offered to pay someone to bring him along and then stiffed them on the bill

I’m actually genuinely surprised that there’s anyone out there with access to the internet who would want to hire this guy to do PR for them. Maybe they can also get Jared Fogle to weigh in on how kid-friendly the kingdom is. 

Well, they behead people before they crucify them, which TBH is better than the way others have been doing it. We really should be commending them for their progressive thinking. 

I guess it worked better than Pederson’s motivational montage. Word is that after a week, the cheese steaks started to smell rotten and could no longer maintain the shape of the Rocky statue.

Being an Eagles fan is like going out with an attractive date, getting back to your place, getting some foreplay going, and then getting a door slammed on your dick after it slips through Alshon Jeffery’s Hands. Every fucking year

Is it a sack if the wind blows and Eli Manning falls over before he has a chance to throw a -3 yard pass?

You’d think Andy Reid would be used to having shit (literal and figurative) thrown onto the field.

Whenever I hear “Black Republican”, I think Clayton Bigsby