Can we start putting “attorney” in quotation marks, because it really seems like he commits a lot of legal malpractice. While we’re at it, can we start doing the same for “president” - I’m pretty sure that the word was not meant to mean “manchild who watches TV and tweets all day”

Why are campus police a thing? I’ve heard some arguments that they might not escalate things as quickly against stupid college students as the real popo. Honestly that’s BS, we see stories here all the time about campus police incompetence, racism, sexism. It seems like the only real argument is that it keeps the…

I find it’s best to figure this out through experimentation

It was definitely one of the unlucky 50%

Trump thought he was going to the Southern Front in the fight against bad hombres in New Mexico but Mike Pence set the flight agenda

This is the mac and cheese that your friend makes as their first “meal” after their parents cut them off in their 7th year of their MFA

Because he knows the rules, Gruden will now trade him for 2 fifth round picks in the 2025 draft and some pretty marbles 

I use the unflavored stuff to make ice cubes, and add them to the flavored pedialyte. Sadly not because of having too much fun, but having a toddler with gastroenteritis 

I am waiting for an anatomically correct statue of Foles to show up at the art museum. Preferably in oil-rubbed bronze. 

Villa of Mysteries is what I will now call my bachelor friends’ apartment. There’s definitely noxious gas and there may or may not be a horse involved

Agree with St. Patrick’s day being the worst. Here in Philadelphia it goes on through the entire month of March and in addition to dealing with the baseline human excrement situation, we also get additional human excrement bussed in from Jersey on the Erin express or whatever.

You’re ignoring the fact that Musk also owns a rocket company. The tunnel is meant for Teslas with rockets attached to them, which is much faster. Plus Musk is an expert on cave submarines, so when the tunnel is flooded from the global warming (which happened because not enough people were buying Teslas due to fake…

The only way this gets better is if Gruden trades all his draft picks for the next 2-5 years for Josh Johnson, Mark Sanchez, and Eli Manning, then stitches them together into a “football” playing human centipede. 

I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic or if it really is just that bad of a take. I say this is as a pediatrician and a scientist. There’s a reason we don’t just say “oh whatever, they’re teens, they’re going to do shit” - it’s because the leading causes of death in this age group are predominantly stupid teen shit.…

If that coach also opposes players kneeling during the national anthem, he’s perfect for the NFL

Next week it’ll be torn down and replaced by a statue of Trump. 

Once white people discovered Jesus, there was no way they weren’t going to shit on some people of color to slap his white face on some 3rd century whole foods equivalent

Also nobody knows what exactly they’re going to play, because it sure as hell is not NFL football

Yes, this! While our military has understood at least the basic idea of winning “hearts and minds” (we can debate the execution though..), the police has not applied this to the actual damn people of this country

The PBA is basically Sarah Huckabee Sanders and has to keep coming up with newer and more ridiculous justifications for racist asshole behavior.