Everyone know the conservatives are just upset that no cuckoldry videos were shown. 

“I’m a doctor - do I have to put on a show for my patients full time, or is it enough that I’m giving them a service. Sometimes I’m just tired or hung over or not into it. I don’t see why I have to smile and be nice and kind while I ask them about their symptoms and offer suggestions.”

ICU nurses are generally badass amazing people

As a jewish person, I just don’t get black or jewish or any other minority Republicans. I hope you enjoy your tax cuts and Jesus when the white nationalists come to take your shit away.

This is assuming you don’t need a referral from the first doctor for all the other doctors

I think they should start having fan raffles for coach of the week at the end of each game. You managed to sit through a whole game and extract your scrotum from the puddle of frozen beer and vomit you’ve been sitting in? You get a 1 in 1000 chance of getting to coach the Jets next week. They can’t possibly play any…

The Philly teams should all just unite in a common mascot, the Philadelphian. He’ll be a 300 lb man with dead eyes, a shirt made of scrapple, and his dick sandwiched in a cheese steak with extra wiz. His shtick will be breaking into Tom Brady’s house every Saturday night and drunkenly slurring “How do you like them…

The good news is that Buffalo has a similar climate to Chicago and they will gladly welcome a man of his talents

I’m pretty sure that the Jets’ film review consists of the buttfumble on repeat

Philadelphia? Really? A lot of the time I just go to Newark instead - better flights and a better airport

I take care of kids with cancer for a living, and I find my work to be infinitely less depressing than any single Jets game. 

People I know who went to HBCUs universally describe them as places where people went to actuallty get an education, not to kill 4 years partying with their douchebros and playing lacrosse before their daddy got them a job at his company. 

If he wanted to fuck people in the ass while being a father figure, he should have coached at a catholic school. 

I’m not sure anyone in this administration actually seeks to lead women, more like put them in their place

If only the potential victims were women - then there would be no police charges and it would probably improve his NFL prospects!

I was recently watching a Giants game for some reason and got up to go get a snack from the kitchen. My 2 year old daughter decided she wasn’t going to let me pass and tried to block my way. I thought to myself that she was significantly more effective than anything I had seen from the Giants offensive line that…

Can we find a way for the Red Sox to face off against the Patriots through some special NFL/MLB crossover? I want to see their collective fan simultaneously shit themselves as their brains liquefy (even more)

I’m Jewish and have multiple relatives who consistently vote Republican (including Trump), because of a bunch of stupid reasons, including “they support Israel”. I keep reminding them that the people they vote for are literally cool with Nazis doing their Nazi shit, and it’s only a matter of time before they start…

Good thing they weren’t flying United, or the poor black woman would have been dragged off the plane and her dog murdered

If you’re anything other than a straight white male, and you voted Republican, I hope the nazis come for you first. But at least you’ll have your tax cuts or Jesus or whatever