It posted! lol, this is maybe THE most ridiculous thing I've ever seen and for some reason I love it.

Can you imagine the conversations? I'd be waving my hands around like a newly-engaged-Pinterester, just waiting to say "Thannnnk you, dear, it's rather hard to find..."

I. Know. We've joked that we're turning into giant dbags after purchasing the car (used, two years old, I AM NOT A DBAG) and apparently, that's part of the branding. That nail polish amuses me to no end.

We bought a new car recently and rec'd a catalog not long after. This was the best, most pretentious, worst item in the catalog. As you can guess, that's saying a lot. Preeeeeeeeemium lacquer, to be sure. ($24 per bottle)

I had to google him. I'm sure he's fabulous.

Well, are you dancing next to Avicii? Do you feel special? There's your answer.

I had a mother's instinct we needed to be concerned, and now here we have it, Mark's break with reality has commenced.

Huh? I have no idea what you're on about. Go fight with someone who gives a fuck what you give a fuck about.

I'm not passing any judgement, you do you.

Well I wasn't expecting to be doxxed today, and I'ma let you finish, but look... did you expect less from me?

Particularly when you're so busy clutching them over some pretty low-key joking going on in this article. Only so many hours in the day.

Let's be honest here; have to, or get to?

It doesn't bother me, but it does ring of bestiality, so there's that, I guess?

Resplendent bitch, indeed. This is perfection.

I say this with all due respect because I truly think you're fabulous and I love you: You need to go eat 14 hours worth of mozzarella sticks a day with no wifi for your permanent assignment with Jezebel. It's got to be safer than what you Google. It's got to be. I can only imagine the case the NSA is building against…

QUIT BEING PART OF THE PROBLEM!

Please don't forget to light at least one backwards. Mmmmm filter-stench!!

Welp. That was pathetic.

#neverforget

Scott Baio would approve. (Lesbian shitasses everywhere, rejoice.)