Half the length of his body...I’m not impressed. Ladies?

I’m surprised that he didn’t just as awkwardly clarify himself...something like “I wasn’t referring to taking your virginity through vaginal intercourse.”

Pleeeeeeease let this be the first in a series of erotic republican presidential candidate fan fiction. I need more.

It is absolutely awful.

Freak.

Hodor!

King Cake Baby needs to be combined with Zika...that might normalize the head a little bit.

Agreed. They throw the word theory out there like it’s some random thought a guy had when he was blazed.

Haha thanks! I didn’t know if anyone would pick up on that one.

I came here for the comments and was not disappointed.

That’s 100% acceptable. Pretty much anything is acceptable when you’re at the game.

I think I still have a couple floating around my digestive tract.

I honestly can’t get enough of these stories because I already strongly disliked the Seahawks.

Please tell me you don’t use the term “C-Link”.

I couldn’t get over the play calling in this game. Ware & Miller were in the backfield almost immediately on countless plays toward the end of the game & they didn’t change up their protections at all. I really don’t know how that’s on the O-line coach.

I think you could shorten that to just talk radio. No matter the type...conservative, liberal, sports...it’s just hours of hot takes that make me want to lay down in traffic.

Just curious...do you have to stop and think about how to type the FACKIN Boston accent or does it just flow?

Totally agree. He seems completely genuine especially compared to the totally manufactured personality that is Russell Wilson.

Can you do another contest similar to Clark the Cub? I really want to see awful things done with TD.

I really do feel bad for San Diego and Saint Louis fans, but it really can’t be that shocking because it’s just about the most American thing that I can think of in today’s America.