Butchering or, you know, narrowly winning a tightly fought contest.

Adam Scott, you magnificent beast.

If this trend continues, expect Ted Cruz and Retta to find themselves in Twitter beef next.

While I think a lot of candidates made good showings for themselves tonight, I’m inclined to agree. If I had to vote in the primary tomorrow, I’d vote for Warren.

That said, I found myself thinking back to the utter circus that was the Republican primary debates in 2012 and feeling pretty damn good about the future.…

They cited examples of all the times they got rejected and didn’t attack anyone (of course they didn’t get rejected very often because they were Nice Guys™).

Nah, I can’t get behind this. Fresh garlic kicks garlic powder’s ass in pretty much every situation.* I was once at a cooking demo with Michael Symon and someone asked him what would be the one change he would tell an amateur cook just starting out to make. His answer: Cook with fresh garlic. Get rid of the jar of…

They’re nerds. I am sure this isn’t the first time they’ve Photoshopped a woman into a picture with them.

This. She’s embarrassed by the attention that this has brought up and she’s reacting....quite badly. Look, at the time, she thought she was right and wanted justice for the woman and got blinded by that. I think people would kind of get that...not agree with it, but get it. What people won’t get or understand is how…

Manny is one of the most gorgeous men on the face of the earth. I would pay money to watch him walk down the street. Like, are you forking kidding me with those cheekbones?

History leaves out how he somehow turned into Thomas Jefferson during intermission.

“It’s crooked and the branching structure is wrong.”

No...microwave a raw salmon for 30 minutes.

There’s one really good, foolproof way to ensure that strangers don’t overfeed your cat with inappropriate food.

Don’t feel too bad, though. Fucker has late-stage syphilis, or FTD, or the effects of Adderall abuse. Take your pick. But the baggy-ass pants he was wearing this weekend, his weird forward lean, his janky gait, his slurred denunciation of “Joe Bidan” are all signs his frontal lobes are swiss cheese. He’ll be in a…

That’s one of the things people don’t understand about Amazon’s success. It wasn’t beating brick-and-mortar because it was easier. It’s not like we as a nation loathe going to Target. It was beating brick-and-mortar because we could, for the most part, get EXACTLY what we need.

There’s a cause that isn’t being addressed beyond general human bias.

“Shoot first” behavior and eventual suicide is typical in veterans with unresolved PTSD. Generally these people see their peers die in gruesome ways or commit heinous acts themselves that they feel they can’t atone for.

Law enforcement suicides…

this is the first time the phrase hanging chad has crossed my mind in almost 20 years...

White Pandas Matter.

Eh, that’s a bridge too far for me. I was once in the window seat with a toddler and a dad in the aisle. Dad took a sleeping pill and passed out for the entire 11 hour red-eye. I had a meeting the next morning and basically spent the entire flight trying to prevent this kid from fucking with me and stopping him from…