Today, there will be allowances for crying in baseball.

Look at that tiny little thumb!  It’s like a grown man’s thumb, but a lot smaller!

A well oiled machine indeed.

My biggest disappointment about Trump’s funeral is that he’ll be too dead to know how sparsely attended it was compared to his predecessors.

Bro, at Trump’s funeral, the ground will be flooded and we will all need to wear welly boots.

God gave him a civil war cannon for a penis and an old JC Penney catalog he found on the railroad tracks for a brain.

Hang in there. You don’t want to miss the fireworks. They are coming. 

Same here.  “I don’t want to marry you .... psych!” is not my idea of a heart-warming proposal.

My thoughts, too. It seems a bit weird, even cruel and controlling. Kinda like making people think you’ve forgotten their birthday so the surprise party will be “better”. He enjoyed making her upset? I’m so used to him being so smooth, this surprised me.

This is exactly how Melania’s autobiography, #BeComing, will describe Donald’s proposal.

Hey! You guys are excerpting it, too? I just read a section about their engagement over on Fox News, whaddya know?

it’s also not going to gain anyone else either.

I’ve been a supporter of Mr. Avenatti, but I take charges like these seriously. The jollies I get from watching Avenatti taunt the thin-skinned orange baby do not usurp my values and my decency. Therefore, I support a thorough investigation of these allegations followed by the appropriate course of action.

This and Scott Walker being ousted and unable to seek a recount due to his own shitty policy are the best news of the week. Thank fucking God - RBG if you ever need blood, organs and new bestie, I am a 35 year old healthy, well hydrated non-smoker with o positive blood and available for all your life-lengthening and…

Yes.

As an accountant by training, I oppose any unnecessary taxation for my clients.

Y’ALL AIN’T GOT NO LOVE FOR TOFFEE?  Y’ALL AIN’T GOT NO LOVE FOR SKOR OR HEATH??

If they have a high acidity content you get more leeway.

I pretend to be doing something on my phone and walk right in to them. Hard. Then do a classic non-apology, “sorry, I didn’t expect anyone to be stopped in such a high traffic area.”

My god, the same woman was responsible for Greenbean Casserole AND Tuna Noodle Casserole.  Did she die of getting splashed with Holy Water because this shit is not of the Lord.