I haven’t been this mad at Cousins since Grandpa died without a will.

Proving, yet again, that Robert Kraft is the only one allowed to have a happy ending.

I think you did a damn good job with your first tour, and the lack of alcohol probably helped. Being that I’m beyond the binge/blackout phase of consumption myself, the other tourist charms I’ve found to be musts that keep me coming back:

He got a five year contract. He’s not that stupid. That’s probably why every single player who can is trying to get traded, because he’s not going to try at all to win a single game this season

The Jaguars Junction comparisons are misguided. Jaguars Junction is a tone poem; The Blowhole is "Beowulf" on PCP.

Hey my hometown made it onto Deadspin for googly eyed rather than racist reasons, which qualifies as a mild upset.  Seeing this article was very disorienting for me.

Are we sure that’s not just a member of the Gase clan?

Although I would want to punch a co-worker in the face who did this...I would not because 1). I am a generally kind person 2). I don’t want to get fired and 3). I love bacon more than the Cubs.

nah, it’s just a maxed-out CPU

OUT INDEFINITELY                                                               BurkeCommunications.com

ETA: It wasn’t until after making this in Paint and posting that I was able to finally get to the generator. Even then, it still seems to have gotten the hug of death.

Disclaimer: My brother sent me this. I did not make it myself 

Joe Paterno knew in the 70s that Sandusky was raping kids. Forty goddamned years as an assistant to JoePa with Joe knowing that this guy was raping kids and he did nothing.

Dear Max -- it’s true that we can’t expect leaders to know everything. But I think we can expect even the dumbest leader to call the cops when it comes to child rape.

Cam Newton is playing injured and probably has been playing injured for the last 3 or so years. He continued to play, because the Panther’s only other option at that point was...*check notes*...A literal robot who was programmed to throw turnovers and make racial slurs. He didn’t play because he was selfish, he played…

Over under on whether this will be the haughty dipshit take of this week's Jamboroo. There's a good chance I'd say.

That’s actually pretty Machiavellian.  So it’s definitely not the plan of someone from Arizona.

In a letter to the Arizona Interscholastic Association, the school’s athletic director said the investigation had not found a motive for Hager’s actions.