Nobody ever thought the Lakers were contenders!

The format of this article is truly wild and seems to want me to scroll up and down.  I straight up failed the quiz of “Can you remember 6 paragraph length questions in order when scrolling to the next page?”  I’ve shamed my family. 

I think you mean “you’re”.

Let he who hasn’t wrestled his wife to the ground because she won’t let go of his phone cast the first stone.

This is going to be one of those things where Melo announces his retirement three years from now without having played a single game during that span and everyone is like “what?”

LeBron: “I want to go to LA. I want to go to LA when it has a team that can make it to the championship. This is my dream.”

if he lasts more than 4 hours, they’ll have to call a doctor.

It’s 18° and snowing here in Minnesota. I’m sitting in my 70° office wearing short sleeves and short socks. I can’t imagine wearing long underwear to work.

So this was Sam Hinkie's endgame!

The Nats pulled their offer, so it’s not like he could go back to it once he saw what the market was. There’s also a very good chance those last three years will be utterly worthless, so it’s probably better to think of this deal as 10 years at $30m and 3 at $10 (or even better, 10@$32M and 3@$1M), regardless of what…

Phillies fan I take it?

Projection: no longer than halfway through this contract, the NL will have adopted the DH, so Harper will stay.

Projection:

My dad texted me ``He’ll look good in blue’’ (Dodger fan), I replied, ``As long as its not Philly’’. Bam! 10 minutes later ...

Some props to the very timely Washington Post article that suggested if you treated the MVP season as an outlier, his AAV to the Nats was roughly $27M.

Who willingly signs up for 13 years in Philly? I’m sure the fans will be EXTREMELY supportive of him the first time he goes 0 for 4.

Our long, Nationals nightmare has finally ended.

To really put the duration of this contract into perspective, when it expires, R. Kelly will try to have sex with it.

Literally all it took for me to end this was to say “I’m over it and really hope the Phillies just don’t sign him now.” about 6 minutes before the news broke.