I have a pretty good concept of what money goes where in most sports (say in the NBA or in the crazy international scam that is the Olympics) but I’ll admit I’m sort of baffled as to where and how all the money in college football goes? This is probably by design.

Yeah I don’t get this last bit. If you have a booster program, fine, whatever, let the overweight mouth breathers in windbreakers fund your program. If you DON’T and you feel you need a competitive football program to be a “real school?” What the hell man?

College football only has two goals:

I will now refer to these people exclusively as “honks” thank you.

That wasn’t a blanket statement? It started out with “if you’re asking yourself ...”

I like how Twitter isn’t mentioned? I’d like it to die also ok thanks bye.

I’m committed to not reproducing. Should that make me feel better or worse after reading the lead-in?

Not a Fitbit but I own a Pebble 2, which of course is now discontinued but can still be purchased fairly easily.

In a “utopian” digital future, the internet (or more appropriately Google, who will have just bought the whole damn thing by then) will be less of a passive thing interacted with in your pocket/at your desk and a more active thing that clings on top of perceived reality like a viscous mass of data infused slime.

Beat you to that months ago. Next up is Facebook.

Someone, anyone, please come up with a car ad in which someone wakes up to a shitbox in the driveway with a bow on it. BUT: the recipient is still so stoked about it because it’s still a car and they know how hard it must have been to scrape together the money to buy it.

It would still probably be cheaper just to sit in your car with the AC running.

Booze and yard games

My experience playing in a shuffleboard league (actual shuffleboard with tangs and “biscuits” and getting cussed out by 80 year olds) confirms this sort of game to be 100x harder than it actually looks.

This seems so take-worthy that I’m sure someone has outlined this extensively already but:

“Increase the leverage” suggests there was any to begin with - the Marlins really had no choice here if the ironclad goal was to reduce payroll.

I am from Miami and have said a million times: Miami is a bad place to have a baseball team and I don’t think that the structural issues you reference are fixable.

Is there such a thing as too many dongs? I guess we’ll find out.

South Florida is the shadiest, most fraud-ridden place in all of America. You can’t cheat a cheater and that Hinkiesm would never fly down there.

I want to see May finally lose it and punch Clarkson straight in the jaw.