You guys got pepperoni.

There will be a pen in the back area in which they can hurl all-caps Thanksgiving quotes from their respective uncles at one another.

... too soon.

CORN ON PIZZA WHY I ... wait they did that on cafeteria pizza in elementary school. I recall it being really good, actually.

You need more stars and I was thinking just yesterday that it’s weird this hasn’t already happened.

ftfy

As per Deadspin listicle rules I was expecting this to be a video of someone being hit by a bus.

I mean I think we’re totally on the same page here - I just watch football in groups of guys who are basically talking, fiddling on their phones, and discussing their fantasy leagues or whatever.

He ate the phone immediately after this photo was taken.

I ran the beta on my SE. Worked fine, but I found I hated how Control Center handled Bluetooth and WiFi settings as well as how older apps were no longer compatible so I reverted back to 10.

While in theory you’re right, in practice having to snap to attention roughly every minute or so sort of eradicates the point of tuning out to begin with.

I knew I was explaining this poorly, let me try again:

Or like Ahmed in Count Zero.

Another way to put this: the only people who can sit still enough to watch football in a format other than Red Zone are the people who grew up doing it.

We’d probably need to wait another full generation so everyone who remembers how much it sucked when they broke dies off.

CiCis is Russian slang for tits.

‘Worse’ is definitely subjective when your pizza costs $5. Not for 2 slices, for the whole fucking thing.

Especially at Tight End.

There is a point at which every old person in Queens sounds Jewish. See: Everybody Loves Raymond.

95. Getting nailed to a door