So guys, here me out here. I know I might be veering into hot take land here. But just hear me out. I’m getting the feeling that Ivanka Trump, just maybe, JUST MAYYYYYYYYY-BE.....is not a very good person. Which when you consider where she came from, that is a truly shocking idea.

I remember going to the gym the morning after this happened, and watching it unfold on one of the TVs there. A senior citizen decided he needed to tell me, quite loudly, that this was some sort of divine retribution for sin. I told him, just as loudly, that it’s fortunate most of his generation is in the process of…

With enough access to his prostate I’m sure anyone could make him ejaculate, therefore he automatically consents to any and all ass-play. That’s how it works, right?

Rural Alberta is time-warped in some respects; plain bizarre in others, for my money. To give you an idea, it tends to to sprout political fungi like the Separation Party of Alberta. Their manifesto, ten or fifteen years ago, held that after achieving independence, Alberta — a landlocked province, mark you — should…

(Ur username name scared me half to life)

High school me would just have just said fuck it and chucked the bra. If you thought the straps were distracting wait until you see these G’s sway.

“Creep” is still my favorite video.

Jessica Simpson has some surprisingly decent dresses and shoes. The fit and quality of her dresses is generally pretty good and also they aren’t ridiculously expensive.

Wow, make champagne popsicles is the new let them eat cake. I never got that memo. Nice.

Watson is definitely good, but not nearly as good as the actors in Olive Garden commercials. You genuinely feel like they are enjoying Olive Garden, which they aren’t.

Vibing some records? What the fuck does that even mean?

I’m only sad that the elephant that killed him died.

“MSN reports that Botha fired his rifle on the charging cows, but a fourth swept in and surprised him from the side.”

Good.

Tank Girl = #lifegoals

But if you really enjoy it, did it turn out to be bad?

Come sit by me (tapping sofa invitingly).

I also quote Tank Girl on a regular basis, so I’m sorta awful awesome.

What is it about farmer mentality that nothing short of immediate profit seems to have any impression at all? If there’s a more myopic, solely self-interested group, I can’t find it. That they can’t absorb the cost of a couple of sheep to preserve a beautiful, rare, noble animal that’s got about 15 years of human…