"There's a lot of white wine involved in this." -my husband

Asking for another shot takes on a whole new meaning.

I want to register additional accounts to star this more times.

I still remember all the lyrics. It's a fucking classic.

Less famous members.

I said it once and I'll say it again... if Kayne is styling you, Kim, girlfriend, HE IS DOING YOU NO FAVORS AND STOP WITH THE CHOKERS BECAUSE YOU LOOK LIKE THOSE GIRLS THAT SNOOP DOGG BROUGHT TO THE VMAS THAT ONE TIME ON LEASHES PLZ STAHP YOUR BODY IS BANGING AND YOUR FACE IS HELLA ATTRACTIVE WTF ARE YOU DOING DEAR…

So at the end of the day, I knew that was a mistake I would never make again, but I take into consideration like, dang, I was like 17-18—I'm 25

"People. It's time to reassess whether or not you really want to go and see the Fifty Shades of Grey movie."

Bet this one is easier to keep clean....

Hey, even a stopped clock is right two times a day.

Have you ever used a vibrator when the batteries are really, really dying and you have to work extra super hard to finish but you're too lazy to get up and look for new batteries? And you finish and you're like "ugh that was lame" and you're kind of ashamed for getting off on a wonky, dying vibrator? That's what sex…

Lots of children learned about sex tonight if their parents didn't change the channel quickly after Charlie Brown.

LOLWHAT.

Anyone who compares Fifty Shades of Grey to real BDSM is a fucking idiot tool in my book.

Have you ever met people? They are, by and large, the worst.

"Filed to: I THINK THAT SECOND PICTURE IS LITERALLY TRYING TO KILL ME"

So, in parts of America, people force women to give birth to children but the same people won't allow said women to feed their babies? OKAY THEN.

I'm also totally cool with this. We allow, say, a three month period where we subsidize those who wish to relocate there to get there and those who wish to get the fuck out to do so, then we close the borders and just laugh and laugh and laugh.

Reagan is the worst thing that's happened to the country in the last forty years. Republicans will poison the well completely before we're able to recover and we definitely may not make it back to the economic golden age we experienced in the forties, fifties and sixties. They've shown they have absolutely no desire…