Imma hold out for the pornhub version.

Usually the only things projected on my desserts are my body image issues so this is definitely a step in the right direction.

Lets keep this civil and not mock this man for his physical disability, mkay?

maybe all these women who are "crap in bed" are just mirroring the guy they're with....a guy that sucks in bed isn't exactly going to get my peak efforts...great sex takes two....my ex thought I hated sex, but I just hated sex with him....while with others, it's been MUTUALLY more than satisfying....

I really need to start a podcast where I deconstruct these Lifetime movies with friends.

You win. All the stars for you.

Sean Hannity just reported this baby was implicit in the #Benghazi cover up.

You may not care about fashion but the people who worked hard on that show do. It's rude to dismiss their efforts.

I strongly disagree. Humans do not have an unqualified right to go anywhere they want. This is a very postmodern, irrational stance. Some parents are quite terrible at determining what is an appropriate venue for infants, to the detriment of those infants as well as the adults around them. Quite frankly, there are…

It is kind of assy to take a baby to a formal, staged event. Kim and Kanye must think they are above common decency. For people who front like they are all about high fashion, a move like that seems pretty disrespectful of the designers and stagers, not to mention the audience.

One of my friends actually asked me how do I know it's real if it's not Facebook official?

If they're not the most insecure, they're certainly the most nauseating.

The people who brag the most about how #blessed they are are the most insecure in general, not just in relationships, right? It's the whole "lady doth protest too much" thing.

Also a lot of what Michelle Pfeiffer wore in Married to the Mob.

Zhang's Noodles: OpiYUM!

Not hard at all. You marry Nicki, as per above, you fuck Rihanna because that seems like it would be a blast and she's clearly not ready to settle down and you kill Beyonce because then she comes back to life three days later and we get started on building the Church of Beyentology.

You had me at "vulvadoodles", Uber...you had me at "vulvadoodles."

I legitimately only found Beyonce in that picture by a process of elimination.

Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard's new commercial is one of my favorite things on TV. I just want to go hang out with them.

That pasta has been on her site for a while now, but lately it's ALL THEY EVER TALK ABOUT. It appears in my Facebook feed on the reg. Like yes, making the whole pasta dish in one pot sounds great, but I'm pretty sure pasta is gross when it's not cooked in water that was already boiling. I.e. When I make soup, I cook…