The shirt actually reads DEICIDE. He's a big death metal fan.

I was being sarcastic but didn't do a very good job.

And another thing... Walking in stupid pink shirts won't cure breast cancer, ladies! Quit wasting your time with that nonsense.

Typically, the decision to medevac is made by the fire department or paramedics, not the patient. People aren't going to be put in a helicopter with a hangnail, no matter now much they ask. A medevac usually costs at least $10,000.

Hence the song:

I think you misread the story. Most people sext whenever they go to the store called Tuesday Morning. They see a decorative garden statue and get so turned on at the low low prices that they just have to take a naughty pic and text it to someone.

Whoa, an investment expert?!? I haven't seen one of those around in at least 3 minutes.

I used to love the Flaming Lips and still kind of do, but Wayne Coyne is coming off more and more like a creepy weirdo old man who skeeves on way younger women. I'd watch my drink if I was around him, that's all.

Someone who grew up on Long Island is a hell of a lot more "from New York City" than someone who moved to NYC from the Midwest a few years ago.

You've made it abundantly clear that you're a grave-avenging bad-ass who will fuck up disrespectful pissers with the quickness. Time to move on.

Your boss at the chicken-plucking factory doesn't mind if you fuck off on Deadspin all day. But there better not be any naughty photos on there!

Meanwhile, the NYPD is working on a way to send a fatal electric shock through the phone as a response to annoying texts.

Pretty sure I'm the only white person under age 40 within 20 miles of Brooklyn who hates The National.

Let's get back to this Camaro. Does it come in gunmetal blue? What are your financing options?

I'd rather go to Kaptain Karl's Pizza Ship. After 11 top shelf Margs, the 12th one is free. (Same visit only).

She was dating Kurt Russell?

My entire family and I (two parents and four kids) were out to breakfast and walked by one of my classmate's dad out to breakfast with a woman who was most certainly not his wife. Of course, men and women who are not married to each other can go out to eat and it doesn't mean they're fucking. But the look of "oh shit"…

Mrs. Nicklaus does NOT take no for an answer.

Never heard of Rodney Stanger?

Uh oh, you done goofed. The sharks are circling, waiting to accuse you of thinking all black people look alike. Eject eject eject.