This happens:

I wish he would’ve called him a “diseased rhinoceros pizzle.”

Orlando is channeling his inner Lyle Lovett.

White dudes hold the record for creepy crimes.

As Manny on Modern Family said, there are lots of things that don’t kill you that leave you weaker. Like his friend’s grandfather who had a heart attack and now needs a machine to help him breath.

First thing I thought of too. We are horrible people.

It has everything.

Did someone say Saad Maan?

I like it a lot too. Do what you want for your wedding, forget all that fancy ass expensive expected of you wedding shit.

They have rare photographs of camouflage weddings. Camo brides are like cougars, or sasquatch - it is very difficult to establish population estimates as they are very difficult to identify in their natural habitat.

sTp, Off-brand WD-40, and boiled linseed oil.

I’m partial to the rarely seen species Nupta volpes corneolus.

That is horrible. I’m starring it.

Did your kids get any of that red?

Goodness, Maude, your jowls are the spitting image of Betty Grable’s!

Your scalp smells so bad we must describe it with poop log-shaped letters!

Women, don’t let your negligence to feminine hygiene make your child grow up without a father!

Bish, I’m dainty as fuck.

Better get some of that whitening cream while one is working on self-improvement, then.

Alas, she lost the baggy-eyed, doughy-faced, 55 year old man of her dreams...