The truly amazing part of this story is that it took a teenage boy more than four strokes to finish.

When this practice is inevitably banned, look for an article about it on Bar-Stool Sports.

To the dude eyebanging the uneaten eggroll, how fucking bankrupt is the communication between you and your fiance that you can’t even ask about eating one of her appetizers? If you can’t communicate over food your marriage is fucking doomed.

I have an excellent legal strategy for them. They should tell the FTC that DFS is basically just gambling and they would not have a monopoly on gambling, so everything is fine.

Damn you Nottingham for not noting the transfer fee, ruining my hope of making a solid Cum Dog Millionaire post.

Eat, sleep, train.

She said, ‘And by the way, you’ve been fat for 20 years. Lose some weight. She also said I never make her cum. So I started using my tongue like an epileptic lizard. Then she told me she missed my mustache. You can’t win with some people. But, yes, our marriage is solid.”

A lot of people get on players of this generation for wanting to team up instead of beat each other (I don’t wholly agree with this. It just so happens that Bird, Magic, and Jordan were all drafted to really well run organizations that supplied them with the necessary stars to shine), but I have a theory about where…

Kenny Lofton is still playing.

Does this mean we finally get some more gun control, now? Boy, I hope so.

It’s tough to get anyone in Washington to admit to obstruction these days.

Wow, that sounds inviting: St. Louis in the dead of summer, Lance Berkman, and a stadium full of passionate Christians.

Aaron Judge is the kind of ball player you used to make in Create A Player mode on Playstation.

That’s why I don’t watch the local news. Nothing but endless puff pieces.

Not sure I like the direction the sausage race has taken.

Kellogg’s should probably also sue the sketchy guy who lived at the other end of my dorm floor sophomore year in college.

But where will this end? It seems like they’ll just be chasing this down an endless k-hole.

Good God that pick and throw by Machado - effortless!

When it comes to Boston, “At least he wasn’t screaming racial slurs at the outfielders” is the best we can hope for.

It shouldn’t be too difficult, there aren’t any letters to learn with unwritten rules.