Melo or GTFO

Hmm. There’s a Popeye’s super close to my workplace that I’ve always avoided for whatever reason. That might be about to change.

He had jalapeno business even entering that contest

You use a sock to clean up afterwards if you’re 13 and you just discovered what masturbating is. Jesus Christ (famous dude!), use tissues! Or toilet paper! Jesus Harold Christ (famous dude!) a second time!

That Salisbury steak comment hit too close to home. Hey, that family-size microwaveable tray was on sale at Marc’s!

*pushes up glasses*

Being a Dolphin fan is like losing your virginity to Jennifer Lawrence and now Lena Dunham won’t return your calls.

People are nostalgia bullies. God knows I am. The second I had the chance indoctrinate my kids into Star Wars, I seized it. If they like what I like, then I feel cool and validated. As a result, they get Space Leia. It’s a problem.

Can I join a class action lawsuit or something for being subjected to that photo?

My workplace this time of year is extremely slow, and these WYTS installments have meant all the world to me (at least from 2:30 to 3:00 in the afternoon, anyway). This has been the best installment yet. Bills fans, you have earned a tip of my disgusting Detroit Tigers baseball cap that hasn’t been washed in two years…

It gives me no pride to say that we are the Bills fans of the south. Even London doesn’t like us. Imagine a culture that enslaved most of the known world, eats cold beans for breakfast, and can’t even properly execute its own political and economic suicide pact thinking that they are too good for your 90s…

guys really live in multi-million-dollar houses like this and don’t see any issue

Ah damn, I always forget how much this album rules

TFW you show up to a party and they’re serving salsa made in New York City

A friend did this last night! He even put a fried egg on it. ‘Twas fantastic.

Spending time with my tween-age niece and nephew a few weeks ago taught me all about the “cool” trend of socks with flip-flops or sandals. Bizarre. Those years of my friends and I making fun of people who did that were all for naught. The revolution is over.

mah wahf

pat robinson lookin ass motherfucker

Kyrie + The Rand Corporation + The Saucer People (under the supervision of the Reverse Vampires) = ?????????!!!!!!!??????????