God, when I was a kid I was such a snob about this kind of thing (and leftovers in general). Cheers to getting older and realizing that cold meatloaf makes one of the best sandwiches ever, and that cold pizza is one of the best breakfasts on earth.

I was also a preadolescent Garfield worshiper. If you want some good, old-fashioned nightmare fuel, I highly suggest checking this shit out.

Weird. When I first ordered an Impossible Burger a few weeks ago (at a fancy-ass burger place, no less) I thought it tasted exactly like what you would get at Burger King.

Kevin Costner is the blandest man alive.

Fuck yeah. I did this a couple weekends ago and made a whole package of that thick, good-ass Costco bacon at once. It came out wonderful and I was extremely tempted to just eat it all at once instead of portioning it out over the week.

Obviously they should have had a hot-dog-eating contest between the remaining eight kids

I mean, I’m pretty sure I already have.

I’ve started turning my phone off twice a day: when I get to work, and when I go to sleep. Has my life improved like crazy? No, but I feel a little bit more sane.

The 1990s, ranked

Yes. Fuck yes.

Copy that. I know I’m not supposed to be down with Little Caesars for whatever reason, but just the thought of their deep-dish pizza is making me salivate like Homer Simpson right now.

I wish I gave a shit about anything as much as New York-based sportswriters care about making fun of this guy.

Last scene: Joan Allen waltzes in, sits on the Throne, and says, “Time for Game of Joans, bitches.” Fade out.

The best Beatles song a ton of people have never heard

Three words for Matt: “Ed Wood,” motherfucker!

Tenant: reading an article about horse meat during lunch

Fair enough. I once shamed a co-worker for buying a bag of pre-boiled eggs but realized a couple weeks later that something like that would come in super handy.

I mean, if it’s anything like those thin-crust take-and-bake pizzas they have at Aldi’s, then I am down with it. Those things fucking rule.

Absolutely. This is like saying my band has “shared the stage with the Black Keys and the Drive-By Truckers” when in fact we did play on the same literal stage in the same bar, years later and with far fewer people in attendance.