God bless you for this one, Albert. It almost makes up for your terrible chili opinions.

This dude rules

I’m sure I’m not alone on this, but I have worked with multiple people who see it as a badge of honor that they barely take any time off. Bizarre. Especially if you’re lucky enough to work somewhere that offers paid time off! Congrats on being the dumbest fucking ant in the anthill.

Not all heroes wear capes.

work doge

One of the few smart political pieces I’ve read since the election. Thanks.

This is the Good Shit Kinja right here.

God bless modern conveniences!

A Fleshlight shower mount? Like, a Fleshlight that hangs around your showerhead, for quick humpin’ access? Or an actual Fleshlight showerhead -- like, water comes out of it? Am I unreasonably confused?

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: We need to outlaw teenagers.

Hey, I’ve had sex a bunch of times and you don’t see ME bragging about it publicly.

GODDAMMIT WHY DID THEY HAVE TO CANCEL GARBAGE TIME

Ooh, ya bastard.

Word to the motherfucker.

Fuck yeah. Robinson is criminally overlooked. Dude has written an insane amount of perfect songs. I mean, “My Girl”? Go back and listen to that original recording. Maybe the most perfect pop song ever.

I call my mom “mom” because she’s my mom.

So wise for one so young. God bless you, young man.

NERD FIGHT!

Not gonna lie: I’m kinda disappointed I’m not on this list. I had plenty of bad tweets this year.

Saw it this afternoon with a buddy. Felt super bad for the father with three young boys a couple rows ahead of us. “Yes, children, all of your heroes WILL die someday.”