Seriously. I’m having a hard time believing a teen with the self-awareness to understand some of the structural problems likely involved here would also be the one who basically wins all the awards then writes a speech shitting on anyone who didn’t act as a personal valet. A lot of the valedictorians my former school…

This is like if 94WIP callers built stonehenge. It’s marvelous to behold and no west coast fandom will ever accomplish anything as wonderful. Our only real marketable skill is powerfully shrugging at the Kings and that’s consistently overshadowed by a bunch of white El Dorado Hills dipshits being eternally angry at…

This right here. Goddamn. I strained and battered myself from 255 to 178 at my lowest and for every fleeting moment of feeling accomplished (but still ravenous) there would be endless days of still feeling fat and gross and insufficient and always, always hungry. Even the mood balancing effects of exercise and genuine…

Last name Monitor, first name Hall

Goddamn this felt so good. Watching Kawhi drive a motorhome over Skip Bayless. You savor these moments. Never let them go!

[extremely “JESUS CHRIST, MARIE, THEY’RE MINERALS” voice] YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT THE DOME WANTS, STEVE!

I didn’t have much hope for this, but was curious because Gray’s usually good with stylish popcorn movies. Thompson/Hemsworth both have box office draw, but they’re also boring as shit to watch and have no range even for something as low-stakes as this. One can go from plain cocky to snarky cocky and the other is a…

Pretty sure Imma keep rolling the dice. They turn a sandwich into a banquet. Also, I’ll probably die from trying to hug a bear first. 

Bill Simmons will forever have the energy of the 20 year old dude that randomly becomes super reverent toward grandpas because he watched Saving Private Ryan and thinks every grandpa in America stormed the beach at Normandy and that the Korean War was part of the Pacific Theater.

Oof, that frame rate drop. Always hard to accept on more simplistic games like this. Still looks dope and way better than Guitar Hero Zelda. 

Marysville ain’t nothin’ but a wide spot in the road. And Santa Nella’s a minigolf hole made real by wishing on a monkey’s paw. 

Ah yes. Cancel the one game that actually sounds cool so you can finish the endless grind loot game and the multiplayer seizure inducer. For real though this is obviously the correct decision because both of those games will sell like crazy. It’s just a bummer that apparently everyone just wants to be either yelled at…

Semi-unrelated, but good god why can’t any of these dumbass companies make a vanilla with brownie chunks ice cream. It’s always goddamn chocolate/chocolate. I want that contrapunta! I’m not cosplaying a 40-something white woman in 1995. I don’t want a Snackwells puck that I tell my yogurt club friends is “sinfully…

That sounds about right. I just remember it being a reason I picked it up, but it wasn’t Tarantino-esque.

Blink 182 is fine, but please don’t make me look at that dipshit with his permanent Zoolander expression. 

Goddamn it’s been ages since I watched this. I remember renting it because I was still half-ass punk-ish at the time and if I remember correctly it had Tarantino as a producer? Great movie.

To be clear the Giants being repeatedly shoved in a locker is a delightful thing, but schadenfreude is no substitute for actual exciting sports.

This series has been playing in every bar in Sacramento and it’s been so good and a welcome change from seeing another crusty ass Giants game. 

For chrissake can we just load this dork into a cannon and fire him at a garbage scow already!?

Competition + Price hike + 8 pack = Are you fucking kidding me!? An 8 pack!? Go jump up your own ass, La Croix. I'm buying a twelver of Waterloo.