Except if you are an intern, congressional page, cocktail waitress, checkout clerk, lobbyist, etc. for a Republican politician. Have sex, but tell no one.

"children are developing without their brains" - I see it all so clearly now. This is the next generation of Republican voters in the making! No wonder the Senate can't be bothered.

I guess I didn't consider the silver lining in ignoring a potential national health crisis to make a point about the right to fly the stars and bars. Here's one: it takes a lot less time and material to crochet one of those adorable little hats that looks like an eggplant! Another one: over the life of the baby, think…

True - maybe you could also show their little baby hands for scale. But then it might be a Trump baby, so that might be normal. This is tougher than I originally thought.

Maybe we need to make enormous billboards with color photographs of microcephalic babies resulting from Zika-infected mothers in the vein of the anti-abortion activists.

If only these seals had concealed gun carry permits, none of this would have ever happened. Thanks Obama!

Rookie error. Always bribe/kill the kids/dogs into silence first before proceeding to the parents.

You are half-right - bazinga!

If it is true, WTF Tom Cruise?! If there was a time to spend a buck and get the extended warranty, this would be it. It could not have cost that much more to buy her silence in perpetuity. I was bought off with a pair of Twinkies 40 years ago for that thing my sister did that I can't talk about, but I wasn't as shrewd…

I’ve enjoyed Shade Court in all its incarnations and hope it continues forever and forever, but I have a question. Being one of those on the outside looking in with respect to appropriation of cultural artifacts (unless you count the appropriation of white trash culture by “Joe Dirt” and the fleeting proliferation of…

Other tools in the “arsenal”:
“That’s what SHE said”
“Make me a sammich!”
“That’s cuz yer a BLONDE”
“That’s what your wife/mom said last night!”
“Bitchez be trippin' "

Heh - good spin on the PUA thing. If only that would catch on everywhere it is practiced. Heckler probably had a sticky mess in his pants from his experience.

PUA

"He then asked a series of personal questions to expose potential vulnerabilities. “He asked, ‘Am I in a relationship? What are my familial ties?’ It was all to see how stable or unstable I was,” said a former employee."

You are on fire with the GIFs! I would love to have a cat like WTF cat upstream just to pull out when I need to say something particularly emphatically. Or she could just come to the office with me and come running over from wherever when I clear my throat. Although I guess that isn't how cats roll at all. Maybe I…

I knew it! I always buy Girl Scout cookies from anyone that asks, just in case they have any edged weapons. Glad to hear all those Samoas were not eaten in vain.

“Knife skills"? When I read that my first thought was that your girl scout troop was a front for an elite assassin organization.

Just an extra doggy treat or two and you could be living the dream!
I had a Dalmatian that was extremely protective. Once some door-to-door salesman (this was back in the late ‘80s before the Interwebs) was talking to my wife through a storm door about insurance or something, and Rudy (aka Rude Dog) was sitting next to…

If it makes you feel any better, you may have been set up. A guy I knew in college would walk behind a girl he wanted to talk to and position himself so the girl's arm swing would hit him in the nookies. He would then drop dramatically to the ground writhing in pain and this would be the ice-breaker. I think he met…

What about a service animal to head off unwanted hugs. Like a pit bull that would snap the nuts off of anyone going in for a hug without clearance from the tower. Dogs are pretty shrewd judges of character.