People should be playing Chicago-style 16" softball. Traditionally played with a beer in the non-throwing hand in rec league, with a beer next to your position in hardcore leagues.

I quit adult softball when I realized people didn’t realize it was a thin veiled excuse to crack jokes and drink. 

So much to say on this topic...

You smoked grapefruit? How do you keep the thing lit?

But what about children? We should throw them on the grill, right? I mean, how the hell else are you supposed to get those nice char marks on them?

Let he who has never done this cast the first stone

*puts on pedantic hat*

Siping offers no noticeable gains? Tell that to Les Schwab’s accountant.

I hear you. The scam artists at my tire shop keep asking me if I want to pay for them to “rotate the tires.”

hell send more than a sticker, sponsor a quarterpanel!

Quick someone send that man a Jalopnik sticker!

This is a neat tip/trick that your 14 yo son will appreciate very much in the next few weeks.

Are we really going to start getting in her ass NOW about her fucking atrocious “singing”?

I’ve got half a mind to do this with a can of Colt 45 and call it Lando Calrissian.

Nothing (necessarily) but it IS stupid. Either you believe in a bunch of completely unverifiable and almost certainly false Bronze Age horseshit, so you should go all the time, or you can be an adult and just go about your business like a rational human...but in a way it’s worse to do the standard “Christmas and…

UNASKED ADVICE TIME!

So,

My wife worked at a pet store, and due to her bizarre work ethic she took things what I would consider a “little too seriously”, we also spent multiple seasons working at a sanctuary for captive bred wolves and wolf dogs that were more or less abandoned by their owners.

That being said, I am not…

Precisely. If you’re not sharing duties juggling the Fanboy Idle’s Balls, then you are INSULTING HIS GOD. There can be only one angle, and that angle is 100% worship.

I got the bonus “Everyone’s an asshole” lesson in one of my sessions.

Kid has the great seat, the jersey and cap, all to let you know he’s a spoiled little shit who feels entitled to whatever he wants. This is how trumps are made.

Because when we were kids, we were indestructible. We could go outside, and play, alone. Around 1995 or so, kids lost this protective shield. Peanuts mutated, and kidnappers and sexual predators increased a hundredfold. The gluten and vaccines gave everyone autistic, too. Thanks, Obama.